Life always has an interesting way of working itself out. The anxieties of not knowing what you’re doing, which people will you keep in touch with, where you’re living, and so on about post graduation can really add up when the clock is severely ticking down to May 24. For a while, in typical Katie fashion, I chose to ignore my emotions. “Things will work itself out,” I would constantly repeat to myself and try and move on. When you find yourself lost in your own thoughts, worrying about life more often than you’d like to admit, you have to give yourself a massive reality check. My reality check was a long time coming. It was March and I found myself without a job, without a plan for post graduation, and quite honestly miserable. I wasn’t surrounding myself with the people who made me happiest, and I was getting into situations that caused me more stress than what it was worth. To quote the dated viral video of Leeroy Jenkins, I very much had an “alright, thumbs up let’s do this” moment when I decided I needed to get my life in order. At the time I knew my life would not fall into place overnight, but small changes would lead to significant impact.
A huge reality that I had to face was my job prospects, well lack thereof. Did you know when you apply to a variety of positions you hear back much more often? Go figure, I know. But in all seriousness, in the past I was being too particular with what I was applying for. The mentality of “I’m better than that position” is quite honestly B.S. and I quickly had to break out of it. Yes, I did apply for jobs that essentially were lab slaves at some company, but it would be a start somewhere. It’s false to believe that for an entry level position you’re going to own the joint, and for whatever reason, that was my mindset. The humbling experience of applying to literally everything and anything worked in my favor. I now have a sweet position lined up with an even sweeter company and I honestly could not have done it without being super aggressive about any opportunity thrown my way. The reality that I would be potentially asking “Do you want fries with that?” come summertime was debunked, and plans for post graduation were slowly falling into place.
The most significant reality I had to face was my social network. Putting all drama aside, some people who I tended to talk to most were holding me back in my endeavors more than helping me achieve them, especially at a time in my life that I would need the most support transitioning out of college. Did I loathe having those people in my life? Absolutely not, but it did add to my day to day anxieties. I thought the reality I had to face was how I interacted with particular people but instead it was how they interacted with me and how I responded to them. Something I learned throughout college is that you cannot change people, you can only change how you react to them. Well how can you react to people if you don’t even see them often? To make a long story short, a breakup and promising myself to not really talk to certain people later, I can truly say I’m doing better. Facing the reality of essentially reworking who I talk to is still a work in progress and I take it day by day. Ultimately, the goal is to surround myself with people I feel most comfortable and myself around. I couldn’t exactly say that was happening about a month prior. Don’t get me wrong, it’s super sucky to essentially cut people right out of your life, but it was something I really needed to do for myself.
With each passing day comes more and more realities I have to get in check. It’s hard to fathom moving back home to “Deadison”, NJ, realizing it’s not as socially acceptable to order a pitcher of sangria for yourself and drinking it straight from said pitcher with a straw, and more “college is ending” realities. The fact I have conquered such huge realities/anxieties that would quite literally keep me up at night is a phenomenal push to keep going. It is that much needed propulsion that honestly got me to where I’m sitting currently and hope to continue going with less than a month till Graduation Day.