Stute pays readers

After the last SGA budget meeting, Stupe was told to increase readership and circulation, or have publication shut down. Stupe has tried to rally its readers and supporters to fight this ultimatum. However, Stupe readers instead began burning Stupes and yelling, “Death to the Stupe!!!” The staff of the newspaper feels personally betrayed, “The Stupe prides itself on being a voice for its readers! The fact that they refuse to support us is a new level of betrayal,” said a Stupe employee. When asked to comment, the EIC just hissed.

The newspaper organization has become divided, some members are outraged and simply say, “If we are not wanted on campus, then fine! I can finally go to LANS on Thursday nights. I DON’T NEED THIS!” Others, on the other hand, will not give up and have arranged sit-ins. Some eboard members have decided to take advantage of the chaos and taken the Stupe money and made a run for it.

In a final attempt to save the Stupe, the remaining eboard and staff held an emergency meeting. After weeks of endless discussions, they finally came to a solution. “If all the SGA wanted was to increase readership, then that’s what they will get!” commented an eboard member. The Stupe had decided to use their ad money to pay people to read the Stupe. Since doing so, the Stupe has been able to not only increase readership but also improve its overall presence on campus. The Stupe has received multiple awards for being the most influential club on campus. Once again, the Stupe has been able to survive despite.