We have a serious problem to address with how we rank the things in our lives. For me, a big part in coming to college was the connections I would be able to make. But no, I’m not talking about the connections that are going to land me research hours or an internship. I’m talking about the connections that are going to land me a friend group that goes out for food at the end of every day, that has inside jokes for every situation, and that sticks by each other no matter what.
What nobody tells you about friendships is that they don’t happen overnight, and I know that firsthand. I’ve spent weeks here feeling as if I had nobody in my corner and nobody to talk to. It can seem pretty difficult to maintain friendships here when we take into account all the other things we have going on as college students. We love to treat friendships as our “side quests” while we tend to throw ourselves toward grades, internships, and that latest situationship of the week (yikes). But what nobody tells you, either, is that the friendships you have with each other run deeper than anything else.
Recently, I’ve become friends with a group of girls that have changed how I approach college and have made me rethink the way I have been going about everything here. In this time, I’ve also been swamped with midterm exams and what seems like a never-ending list of homework and responsibilities to complete. So at first, the value of these friendships didn’t exactly click, until I realized that it was one of the most valuable things I had in my life at the moment.
One of the things that I think I failed to realize was that friendships aren’t just a luxury for whenever I’m feeling “free” enough to do something, and that treating them as optional is a mistake. Women are able to have an enormous and very underrated impact on each other, and it’s high time we talked about it with the same seriousness as everything else going on in our lives. The girls I hold close today are the ones who have shown me this impact over time. They’ve spent time with me, they’ve forced me to get up and do things when I lacked the motivation, and they’ve inspired me to keep going and be someone who can pass on that inspiration. The friendships we find in each other can often be a reprieve from the rest of the world, and we can see the better parts of ourselves through each other. Every time I’ve failed at something, or thought I didn’t come across right, there’s always one of my girlfriends who has been there to let me know that I did do it right, or maybe even that I was right but that I didn’t come across as well as I could’ve. But what’s important is that there is someone there encouraging you along the way. Whether we like it or not, we as women tend to shape each other. The good news is that we have these friendships to pass down confidence and courage to one another. We complement each other, we share opportunities, and we do things together. All of these things help us feel more secure in ourselves, even if they may seem like small little gestures.
I’m aware that some people may read this and think it comes off as maybe a little too idealistic. And they are right. Not every woman is going to want to be your best friend, and I’ll tell you now that not all of them are going to be “lifting you up” all of the time. But most of the best things in my life have come from the strength that other women have given me, and there is nothing that I would love to do more than acknowledging it and passing it on through writing.
