They say that sleep is a free trial of death, which is why I don’t sleep. At least, that’s the reason I tell myself. Unfortunately, college has given me genuine reasons for my terrible sleep schedule.
Before, when I was younger, I had the stupidest reasons for staying awake. I used to have nightmares that if I slept, Freddy Fazbear would barge into my room and murder me. If I stayed awake, perhaps Freddy Fazbear would be too terrified of my nine-year-old strength and politely leave. Looking back, I never understood why I was so afraid. Now, I’m not the same child anymore. Zombies, ghosts, and children in bear suits aren’t real; they can’t hurt me. Instead, I have very mature nightmares of professors barging into my room and telling me that I failed my midterm. Freddy Fazbear doesn’t need to murder me; he can simply show me my failed midterm, and I will combust on the spot. I don’t even need to dream about that — I actually did fail my CS334 midterm.
That’s more terrifying than anything my child brain could dream of. There are actual consequences for that. These are real fears that haunt me. If I do poorly in my classes, I could potentially lose my scholarships; I could drop out of college; I could be unemployed!
Maybe that’s why I don’t sleep, because I need the time to finish all my homework and study. I may be shambling like a zombie, but that’s a small price to pay, right? What’s the worst that could happen? Sleep deprivation? Hallucinations? They don’t scare me; my professors already invented new forms of sleep deprivation torture. On the midterm, I had a problem I received a zero on. That same problem is now on my homework. Sleep deprivation can’t affect me because whatever hallucinations I experience are already real.
I know sleep helps improve memory and sharpens your brain. I know that I should sleep. I know that it would be better for my health. It’s just hard to think about that when those incomplete Canvas assignments are staring at me. The only shred of sanity I have left is that almost everyone failed that midterm. Yay? Everyone is suffering? Maybe we are all facing the average college experience. Maybe we are all sleep-deprived. Maybe we’re all half-dead zombies just trying to get by. Maybe none of this matters and this is just the reality we have to face. Or maybe the sleep deprivation is finally catching up to me; who knows?
Every day, I lie to myself that I’ll get more sleep — that tonight is the night that I will bundle up in cozy blankets with sweet dreams and no worries about the monsters beside me. That’s not today; I am writing this article at 12 a.m.
My sleep-hallucination-induced nightmare Freddy Fazbear hasn’t knocked at my door yet. I did hear my neighbor scream multiple times, so maybe I’m next. If I get murdered by an animatronic, at least I’ll be able to sleep.
