There comes a certain point in every woman’s life where conversations can get boring, especially for college students. Talking about classes and homework and exams can get repetitive quickly, and there are only so many “weekend plans” to discuss before the conversation gets boring. However, there also comes a time in every woman’s life where she’ll hear the words: “This might be TMI.” And suddenly the conversation has become more interesting. While some may take it as a funnier form of conversation, I have recently been thinking about it on a much deeper level. The entire basis of “too much information” (TMI) and the taboo topics that we like to joke about can mean a lot more to us as women.
As women, we’re often expected to balance between being open enough to be relatable and private enough to be considered respectable. We’re encouraged to speak our minds, make our voices heard, but only to a certain level. On the surface, everything seems acceptable to talk about, but there are hidden limitations. For some reason, the embarrassing realities of simply being human are things that we’re shunned into staying silent about, and things innate to being a woman are labelled “weird” and “embarrassing” to discuss. We learn early which topics are acceptable and which deserve a subtle warning of “this might be too TMI.” But I find that these invisible boundaries are what makes conversations like this so important for us. They become spaces to challenge the unrealistic expectations placed upon us. When one woman admits she struggles with something she assumed everyone else had figured out, she gives another woman the space to admit the same, and that matters to all of us.
It could begin with a silly little confession — something you would normally laugh off or keep to yourself. But instead of judging you, your friend might respond with her own story. That one confession breaks the awkward small-talk wall, and now you’re both laughing about something that once made you feel alone. There is a particular sense of relief in realizing that an experience you thought was embarrassing is actually super ordinary. There is a reason that conversations about supposedly taboo topics can feel more intimate than the ordinary small talk we’re always engaging in. Discussing the weather requires nothing of us — it’s safe and easy to bring up. But talking about the things that make us uncomfortable requires trust, and that trust comes from the sense of community we tend to build as women, which is why “TMI” conversations are so important to me.
Of course, not every personal detail needs to become public knowledge. Boundaries matter, and no one owes anyone access to their own private life. Some things aren’t meant to be shared. The point is not to abandon privacy altogether; rather, we should stop treating openness as something shameful. TMI can be a way to connect with others through some things that may not fit into your standard conversation. It can be a way to make someone feel less alone, or to build a stronger connection with a girl you maybe don’t know well. That is what makes these conversations so valuable. They remind us that connection can come from recognizing something familiar in another woman’s experiences. We do not need identical lives to understand each other. But in a society where women are often judged and criticized, it can be refreshing to be able to talk to another woman about something that I know she’ll immediately understand.
This topic became the focus of my column this week because it has grown more relevant as I get closer to the friends I’ve made here at Stevens. There is something incredible about women building places where honesty, no matter the topic, is welcomed rather than judged. Spaces where embarrassment is allowed to exist, where difficult experiences can be discussed in a healthy way, and where we can find genuine understanding with one another. These conversations allow us to know each other beyond the polished versions of ourselves we present to the world.
