Four lessons I have learned now that my four years are up. Thank you to Stevens for giving me the bestest of friends, experiences, and opportunities. Thank you to The Stute for giving me a voice.
- Lead with curiosity, not judgment.
This has been a lesson I’ve learned and keep learning. I’m of the belief that most people are good. Most of us are inherently good people just walking this earth, victims of ebbs and flows of life. When someone acts out or does something out of the ordinary, we typically move to judgment. We end up having discussions like, “What is wrong with them?”, “They’re being so annoying right now,” and “They’re so mean.” However, I’ve learned that most of the time, if someone isn’t acting like themselves, it’s likely they are going through something we cannot see. I’ve learned to lead with curiosity in these circumstances. Typically, people act out when they experience something fairly tough. I think we should ask more questions — become more curious when this happens. Who knows? You could save someone’s life.
- Love is quiet, and love is kind.
The truest love I’ve ever received never came from a boy. It never came from a relationship or a few-month-long “situationship.” Love was never shallow, sorry after a reckless night out and an unexpected argument. Love wasn’t a bouquet of flowers, only transactionally exchanged when pleading for a wholehearted redemption after an unwarranted fight. Love wasn’t posting me on his story or getting a convenient “How r you?” text followed up by “Wyd later?” Instead, love was my friends noticing the slightest streak of sadness in my eye and welcoming a conversation. Love was cheered in the crowds of my concerts, looking out and seeing familiar faces. Love was my sorority sisters reading my mind before I could even get a word out, understanding exactly how I felt. Love was the laughs shared over the stupidest jokes my friends and I deemed to be the bible of comedy. Love was my friend walking with me up and down Hoboken in silence after I needed someone to be around, but didn’t have it in me to talk about it just yet. We walked and walked until words became easy again. The deepest love I’ve ever felt has been the platonic love of my best friends. Love is quiet; it shows up in the dark moments when no one is watching. It doesn’t come out during convenient Friday nights or performative moments in front of others. It adds to the beauty of life, not taking away. Love sits softly in the quiet moments and kindly in the happy ones. I know that love like this can exist romantically, and until the day it does come in that form, I am the luckiest person in the world to have already experienced it. My friends have taught me how it truly feels to be loved.
- Comparison is the thief of joy.
When we spend time comparing ourselves to others, we lose the bliss of our own selves. Our uniqueness and quaint little quirks should be celebrated, not compared. The people who look like they have it all together—the friend groups, the partner, the jobs—are really just taking a shot at this game called life. This might be one of the hardest lessons I’ve learned and still struggle with. The most honest form of joy comes from within.
- Everything you lose is a step you take.
I was debating making this article nothing but Taylor Swift quotes I live by. This one might be my favorite Swift lyric ever: The idea that loss is the universal pain we all experience. Whether it has been in the form of losing a loved one, getting laid off at work, going through a breakup, failing a class, or simply losing your favorite earrings, it all hurts the same. However, I’m a firm believer that loss is just redirection. Accepting the pain that comes with losing something is a hard thing to do, but the difficulty is ultimately temporary. When we are in the thick of it, and I mean really going through it, it’s so hard to see a bright future. True happiness starts to feel like an urban legend. Yet, there’s an immense amount of comfort in loss. It’s almost oddly exciting to know that one situation didn’t work out because there’s a better plan, a better outcome on its way. Every job we lose is a small dent in finding the best position. Every relationship that we shed is another layer of vulnerability that was peeled back, bringing us an inch towards finding the right one. Everything we lose is just a step we take in the right direction — a new chance to find the right path.
