You don’t choose to be born on Pi Day — March 14 chooses you. That’s my official explanation, at least, for why I’ve somehow become The Stute’s resident authority on all things pie. And with Thanksgiving approaching, campus debate has resurfaced in full force: which pies match which Stevens student archetypes? Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned from late-night study lounges and Pierce chatter, it’s that personality assessment is best done through dessert.
Apple Pie — The Overachiever
Classic. Reliable. Perfectly put together. Apple Pie tastes like a 4.0 GPA and a planner that has never once slipped behind. This student is as iconic as the pie itself: endlessly involved, perpetually busy, and capable of making you feel both lesser and strangely inspired just by walking into a study room at 7 a.m. They’re the friends who “didn’t study” and then somehow set the curve.
Pumpkin Pie — The Cozy, Perpetually Tired Friend
Pumpkin Pie strolls into class wearing a hoodie big enough to qualify as portable housing. Their aura is warm; their sleep schedule is “experimental.” They carry emotional support tea. They’re the glue of their friend group — the one you end up talking to for an hour outside Babbio about how your calc exam “just felt hostile.”
Pecan Pie — The Chaos Strategist
Pecan Pie looks messy—crunchy, sticky, unpredictable—but underneath that cracked surface is pure, calculated brilliance. This is the kid who juggles robotics, debate, two research labs, and a part-time job, yet remembers every birthday and still beats you in Super Smash Bros. Chaotic? Yes. But always with a plan.
Key Lime Pie — The STEM Kid Who Secretly Wants to Transfer to HASS
Crunches numbers by day, writes poetry by night. Their Canvas dashboard is a mix of circuits, algorithms, and one rogue ethics elective that changed their life. Tart, surprising, and full of existential flavor.
Blueberry Pie — The Homesick Freshman
Blueberry Pie is pure nostalgia: sweet, soft, and a little messy when under pressure (just like their laundry schedule). This student calls home twice a week and still hasn’t emotionally recovered from missing their dog. They cling to familiar flavors — hometown pizza, their childhood sports team, the one hoodie they’ve worn since move-in.
Baja Blast Pie — The Friend You Should Never Give a Megaphone To
No one asked for this pie. No one dreamed of this pie. And yet, like the Baja-Blast-devoted student it represents, it bursts into your life with neon-flavored confidence. This is the kid who hosts dorm-wide Mario Kart tournaments, screams at Stevens hockey games, and has a Mountain Dew fridge in their room “for emergencies.”
At the end of the day, Stevens students—like pies—are chaotic, comforting, and occasionally questionable. But that’s the beauty of campus: whether you’re an Apple or a Baja Blast, there’s a slice for everyone.
