The Victorian Language of Flowers was used for decades to relay feelings that people had a hard time expressing or were too embarrassed to share. Each flower has its own meaning, and each color further explains the emotions they evoke. The flower we will be looking at today is the White lily. With six large petals splayed and a gorgeous center of yellow stamens, the lily symbolizes love, innocence, and purity. It is also highly poisonous to cats. In the Victorian Language of Flowers, the White lily symbolizes purity.
Sometimes I feel like the only thing I ever do is mess up. I try to be there for everyone and anyone, but I can never be there in the way everyone wishes me to be. I try to divide up my time so that I can focus on each of my loved ones and devote my attention to them. I try to make those closest to me know that I care for them and that I prioritize them. I thought that when I went to college, I would do my best to keep in contact with everyone from home while becoming friends with as many people as I could. With only 24 hours in the day and seven days in the week, I realize that there simply is not enough time to be everything for everyone. That was a really tough pill for me to swallow. I wound up being distanced from some home friends and missing my scheduled plans from my own sheer exhaustion. I tried and had the purest of intentions, but in turn wound up hurting people.
This past weekend, I had planned a visit home. The whole week prior, I was trying to finish all of my work so that I could simply enjoy my weekend. I was in pretty good shape until Thursday night, when I saw seven more assignments appear on my Canvas page. I had so much work and so little time. It feels like that’s all I experience sometimes — so much to do and so little time to do it. Over the weekend, I had intended to visit my boyfriend, and then I learned that my brother had a soccer game that he wanted me to attend, my best friends were coming home from school, and my Poppy was making one of my favorite home-cooked dinners. I did my best to plan out everything. I planned by the minute, trying to make sure I got time with everyone. Instead of bringing peace, my jam-packed schedule brought chaos. By the end of it, I had only done two out of the five things I had planned. I did not get to have dinner with my Poppy, and I did not get to see my best friends. I intended to see everyone and be in as many places as I could, but it simply did not work.
I constructed such a chaotic weekend to try and “appease” all of my friends and family. In reality, the one I was trying to “appease” was myself. I wanted to do everything, and it failed. I felt horrendous, and by the time I got back to my dorm, I was exhausted. When I spoke with my loved ones about how I wouldn’t be able to show up for them in the way I had planned, they simply said that there was no issue. They showed me that while they all love me, they understand that life is chaotic and stressful, and it was expected that I wouldn’t be able to spend as much time with them once I made it to college. It made me realize that sometimes even the “purest” intentions can fail. At the end of the day, when you make plans, you have to remember that there is only so much a single person can do. That there are only so many responsibilities a person can have. Pure intentions can lead to pure moments, but it will only happen if you give yourself the grace to make it happen. So, remember to give yourself and those around you grace. After all, everyone is just trying their best.
