There’s a universal moment every intern or co-op student experiences: the sheer, unfiltered joy of seeing that first paycheck hit your bank account. After weeks of grinding, sitting through meetings that could have been emails, and learning the fine art of looking busy, you’ve finally earned real money. You finally can afford to buy those overpriced concert tickets or those boots you’ve been eyeing. You go check your balance before hitting buy. Wait, why is it so much less than you expected?
Phase 1: The Joy
You refresh your banking app, and there it is — your first official paycheck. You resist the urge to frame it and instead start planning how to spend your newfound wealth. Maybe a nice dinner, those sneakers you’ve been eyeing, or perhaps even being responsible and saving (but let’s be honest, that’s not till your second paycheck).
You briefly consider texting your parents to flex, but then you remember they’re the reason you have a job in the first place. Instead, you screenshot your direct deposit and send it to your friends; Drinks on me (one round only).
Phase 2: The Taxes
Then reality hits. You glance at the breakdown of deductions and realize that Uncle Sam has been taking a hefty bite out of your hard-earned money.
Federal taxes? Gone. State taxes? Vanished. Social Security? You swear you just got here, so why are you already paying for retirement?
You scroll down to the final take-home amount and suddenly understand why people complain about taxes so much. How is it that you worked 80 hours, but your bank account suggests you only worked 50? Who approved this?
You frantically Google “Why is my paycheck so small” and find out about things like FICA, Medicare, and the phrase “tax brackets,” which instantly makes you nostalgic for when high school algebra was your main problem.
Phase 3: The Existential Crisis
Now comes the big question: What do I do with this money?
For the first time, you realize that adulting is just a constant battle between paying bills and pretending you have financial freedom. You start running calculations:
- Rent (if applicable)
- Food (because surviving is important)
- That subscription service you forgot to cancel
- A totally necessary sweet treat to reward yourself for working so hard
Suddenly, that “fun money” you were so excited about is looking very limited. You briefly consider extreme budgeting tactics like giving up coffee or a sweet treat but then laugh at the absurdity cause, let’s be real, everyone knows I can’t give up either of those.
Phase 4: The Reckoning
At some point, you accept your fate. Taxes are inevitable, budgeting is necessary, and your paycheck will never feel quite as large as you want it to.
You decide to be responsible (sort of). You put some money in savings, set a small amount aside for emergencies, and promise yourself you’ll learn how taxes work someday — just not today. Today, you’re still celebrating the fact that you got paid.
And so, the cycle continues. Every paycheck will come with a mix of excitement, confusion, and a slight pang of disappointment. But at least you’re getting paid, and that’s what matters, right?
(Spoiler alert: You’ll still feel this way with your tenth paycheck, but at least you’ll know what FICA stands for by then.)
