The J Curve is a trendline showing an initial loss immediately followed by a dramatic gain, kind of in the shape of a “J” (hence the name). It’s often related to the performance of a business or investment over a period of time. In economic theory, for example, the J Curve has been used to demonstrate how a country’s trade balance will decline after devaluation of its currency before it gradually improves. That’s all well and good but why bring all that up for a senior essay? Well, because my four years at Stevens looked startlingly similar to what I learned about the J curve in classes.
My freshman year I took classes online from home in California. I tried coming all the way out to Jersey, sure, but it was humid as hell and we were all quarantined for being out-of-state students, so at some point it was pretty obvious that while I’d be doing online classes for the foreseeable future in any case, there would at least be better food at home. I remember the trip home and being at the airport — my overfilled suitcase clocking in at 76 pounds, and my brain trying to justify the $100 I would have to spend to pay in fees for an overweight bag. The lady working said to me that sometimes, you get to make someone’s day, and that was a perk of the job. She let the bag go for free, and I still haven’t stopped being thankful for her kindness. It wasn’t the $100 that mattered, it was that I was lost, scared, and reeling from some sort of whiplash at whatever life there was to be enjoyed in Hoboken that I couldn’t find.
All’s well that ends okay, and so after getting off the flight and getting accustomed to 5 a.m. math and science classes due to the time difference, I did get to enjoy my freshman year. All my classes would be done by 1, so I’d get to go surfing with friends, or hiking during the week, and we’d often make the four-hour trip to Big Sur, California to go swimming in the rivers and cliff jumping. There was a limitless amount of opportunities, and classes were infinitely easier not having a sport to do in the meantime. I remember telling my parents that it felt like cheating not having to train for hours a day, even though I missed competing.
In some ways it’s easy to be upset about not having a normal freshman year. But in other ways, I couldn’t be more thankful for the freedom I felt being in nature for camping or surfing trips during that era. By the time sophomore year came around, I finally made the trek for good. Needless to say, it wasn’t great in the slightest. I felt the classic J curve decline in having no time between practices, classes, and cooking for myself at my apartment. It taught me a lot about living situations, and how having a bad living environment can affect all areas of your life. To date I’ve never slept less than during that time, and I remember the janitor checking in on me at the Stute office because I would be in there well past midnight consistently because it was better than being at my apartment. I wanted to transfer, and I remembered how visiting my brother at his college practically every other weekend were the only times I felt like a real person.
That summer it felt like the sun came out after a long period of overcast weather and rainy days. By the time I came back to Hoboken for my junior year, I was determined to come at it with an open mind and give it a real, genuine shot. In some ways it was great I had such a shitty living situation my sophomore year — it pushed me to be on campus as much as possible, and I had the opportunity to jump into a lot of leadership roles I otherwise would not have gotten, had I been too comfortable. If you’ve ever put on a pair of jeans at the store that fit just right, then this was my junior year if those jeans were just a tad too long. Insanely busy still, yes, but figuring things out and happy and meeting new people that pushed me out of my comfort zone and showed me the many things there are to love about Jersey.
I met Tommy then, who’s graduating today and probably sitting next to me right now and also nice enough to read this essay for me to add any edits before submitting. I never really thought I’d meet someone seriously in college, but there he was one day with curly hair that was calling for shampoo and conditioner recommendations. Well, to be honest I met him the year before but this was finally the year I was giving New Jersey, Hoboken, and Stevens a chance, and his million dollar smile was impossible to ignore. There was something about that year that was so stark in contrast to my sophomore year it was hard to remember all the bad times. All I knew was that I was finally achieving the goals I had set for myself in the pool and in the classroom, and was finally around genuine people.
While the exponential growth of my junior year seemed hard to beat, finally going from negative to positive slope on the J Curve, senior year has easily topped it in every way. I am so grateful to have my friends in my life and to have such a supportive boyfriend with me every step of the way. I’ve stood up for myself and for others and called out BS when needed, and have helped others do the same. All those bad experiences — from having packages stolen my sophomore year to awful living conditions — have helped me become a better mentor as a resident assistant (RA) and earned me the honor of being RA of the Year. Who knew that going through bad experiences would make me such a qualified individual to help others avoid similar mishaps? And maybe it could all be chalked up to reaching 21 and also discovering Artichoke’s Pizza this past year, but I can finally say I’ve found the life there is to be enjoyed in Hoboken. It’s with the people, the food, the experiences, and the growth and independence that comes from living so far from home, even with the challenges.
I wouldn’t be here without the help of so many people, especially the support of my parents and my brother, who are in the stands for graduation. For them, for Tommy, and for his family, and all the friends I’ve made who I’ll be visiting across the globe, these years have been “J”ust great, and I know the best is yet to come.
