The Gear & Triangle Honor Society has tried for years to shape Snevets students into respectable, well-rounded student leaders – yet it has become painfully apparent that it has failed to achieve its founding goals. According to a recent study conducted by the Office of Student Respectability and Well-Roundedness, the typical Snevets student today is roughly 101% less respectable and well-rounded than the previously calculated 1870 average. This devastating information was brought to University President Narfarvar’s office, where he shared the following inspirational message with the Snevets community: “Don’t be sorry, just be better.” Some Snevets students heard this message loud and clear – and they’re taking action.
Instead of working to improve the existing honor society, several current Gear & Triangle members have split off, vowing to go in a different direction entirely. Their new society, the uniquely named “Cog & Square,” has quickly become Snevets’s most popular new student organization. Former G&T President Julia Pool has headed this initiative, naming herself the “Eternal Supreme Leader” of Cog & Square, a lifelong appointment according to C&S bylaws. Cog & Square officially declared their founding principles to be “dishonor, hate, and spirits,” which they have sworn to demonstrate “by any means necessary.” Supreme Leader Pool has also worked tirelessly to forge connections with other student organizations on campus – perhaps the most surprising being the Snevets Honesty Board. Though the Honesty Board is (as the name implies) typically against dishonesty, they have made an exception for Cog & Square, citing the importance of the organization as a reason to “bend the rules a little.”
These exciting advancements mark the beginning of a new era in Snevets history, one that is certain to make the Office of Student Respectability and Well-Roundedness proud. Upon hearing about Cog & Square, President Narfarvar gave a moving speech in support of the society, saying, “One small step for Snevets, one giant leap for Snevetskind.” This moving (and very original) quote perfectly encapsulates the hope and optimism Snevens students are undoubtedly feeling as they face the bright future ahead, one that will certainly be championed by the Cog & Square Honor Society.
Disclaimer: This article is part of The Stupe and is satire.
