The most nervous I’ve ever been at this job wasn’t climbing equipment, looking down, and thinking if I trip right now it’s game over. That, weirdly, I was fine with. The moment that actually got me was when my boss called to talk about my full-time offer.
That conversation is layered in a way people don’t talk about enough. Going into it, you’re already terrified — it’s money, it’s your future, and it’s a number that’s about to define a lot of decisions for the next few years. And then there’s the second layer, the one that’s harder to say out loud: you’re a woman, and you’ve read about the wage gap, and you know how people can quietly shortchange you and smile through it. You want to believe better of the people across the table from you. You don’t want to walk in assuming the worst. But you also don’t want to be naive.
So you sit with both of those things at once, and you still have to have the conversation.
Here’s what I’d tell you
Sometimes it’s okay not to push. If the offer is fair, if you’ve done the research and it actually lines up with the market, you don’t owe anyone a negotiation just to prove you can. Not every conversation needs to be a fight.
But sometimes you do need to have it. If something feels off — if the number doesn’t match what you know your role is worth, if you did more than the job description said, if you have a competing offer or real information that changes the picture — say something. Quietly deciding not to ask because you’re scared of seeming difficult isn’t caution; it’s a decision too, and it’s one that costs you specifically.
A few things that actually help going in
- Know the number before you’re on the call. Not a vibe, an actual figure, based on real data for your role and location.
- Decide your floor beforehand, privately, so you’re not doing math in real time while someone’s on the phone with you.
- If you’re going to ask for more, ask for a reason, not just because you read somewhere that you’re supposed to negotiate. “I’d like to talk about the number” lands differently than “I did X, Y, and Z this summer, and I’d like to talk about the number.”
- Remember benefits are part of the number too. Start date flexibility, relocation, signing bonus, and PTO — the salary line isn’t the whole conversation.
Bottom line
You’re allowed to be scared and still ask the question. You’re allowed to trust the person on the other end of the call and still know your worth going in. Those two things aren’t in conflict — they’re just both true at the same time, and that’s what makes this conversation harder than climbing the equipment ever was.
