In an organization inherently dominated by women, one man stands to persevere and fight against society’s confines. Known as a local legend on campus, that man is none other than Itai Geller.
If you are an avid follower of our publication, you may have caught the recent clip everyone’s been talking about: An article about “The Women Behind The St*te,” with a menacing man lurking in the background. While I picked up on the article’s empowering story of women excelling in influential positions around Snevets campus, I couldn’t help but think, “Who is that guy on the cover?!?”
Now you may be asking yourself, “How can you call him a local legend on campus if YOU don’t even know who he is?”
Relax… I’m getting to that part.
Following the initial release of the article, I was completely enamored by his presence. I couldn’t help but stand, awe-struck, by his enchanting, intimidating aura. His existence was unfamiliar to me, so I went looking for answers.
I started asking questions around campus. With the latest edition of The St*te in hand, I approached people, pointed to his face, and asked, “Do you know who this man is?” To my surprise, it appeared just about everyone had.
The first response I got was, “Hey, I know that guy! He’s the coolest guy on campus!”
Later, I got, “I know him! He’s awesome!” Someone even exclaimed, “That man rushed into a burning building to save my cat!”
While I was uncovering the true origin stories of this hero, I had yet to pin down a name.
Feeling hopeless, I turned to the only comforting place I’d known: the second-floor library lounge. In a last-ditch attempt to find the man with all the answers, I ran into Deep Shah, who said, “What’s goodie, my guy. That’s Itai Geller.”
Finally! A name to the face. While he had only been aggrandized in my mind up to this point, it took the one and only Deep Shah to reveal his true identity.
Now that his identity had been revealed, I sought to meet him.
Through my recent quest, I learned that he’s a full-fledged member of SigEp. So, in an effort to make his acquaintance, I stood outside the red door for what felt like an eternity until he finally emerged, donning his favorite green sweater.
We got to chatting, and I quickly realized just how true all those accounts really were.
He really is awesome. He really is the coolest guy on campus. He may have rushed into a burning building to save a cat (that part is still undetermined).
It took me some time to come full circle, but the realization had finally dawned on me.
The reason Itai Geller is the only man on The St*te Board is because of his greatness, not his looming nature. No man dares contest a seat on the board if he must face Itai Geller. It’d be a death sentence!
So, if you’re wondering why there’s only one man on The St*te Board… now you know.
It’s not a coincidence.
It’s Itai Geller.
Disclaimer: This article is part of The Stupe and is satire
