This past year, I have gone on 10 first dates with the complete intention of remaining single. This may seem counterproductive, but in a society where we barely interact with people outside of our close circles, I took on this “challenge” as a way to better understand how our generation navigates dating generally, especially when it comes to meeting strangers. I gleaned a lot from this experience, and have learned a lot from being single as a whole.
If you are single this Valentine’s Day, do not be bummed out, you are actually the one who is winning. Time is a finite asset, and it is so easy to throw your entire life into a relationship and forget about personal and professional development. In my time being single, I studied and took the LSAT, applied to law school, and landed multiple full-ride scholarships. I’ve also thrown myself into my passions and ran and won a local election to be the Ward 6, District 2 Committeewoman. I have formed close relationships with local council people (and the mayor) and now consider myself a community advocate who is deeply invested in Hoboken and the lives of my neighbors. We are truly family here in Hoboken. My career aspirations have blossomed as I work and consult on political campaigns and have made connections with politicians that I never imagined. I am working on many side projects at any given time, whether it be for a policy think tank or for a local activism organization, or even drafting a book. I am truly the happiest I have ever been in my life, and I owe it all to prioritizing myself, my passions, and my value system.
I have also learned a lot from dating. Our generation does not have nearly enough conversations with strangers and those who are different from us. I approached this challenge with the mindset that someone does not have to be what I am necessarily looking for to go on a date with them. A first date is simply a conversation and an opportunity to learn about someone new. This has resulted in a lot of fun, engaging, exciting, and horrifying conversations. There is a phenomenon in the current state of dating where men will lie about their political stances to obtain a date with women. I have had multiple situations where those claiming to be “moderates” are actually aligned with MAGA rhetoric. This begs the question, why are Conservative men so eager to attempt to trap liberal women, but I digress. I’ve also learned that most people just settle. Realistically, it is not very difficult to get into a relationship, the hard part is actually finding someone who adds value to your life and is aligned with your morals. Having so many conversations with different types of people has shown me that I do not need to settle, that values should not be compromised, and that I am more successful with a bad-ass group of women backing up my career choices, activism, and passions than trying to fit myself into a cage that is someone else’s life.
