We all know the classic enemies-to-lovers trope — two characters clash and resist until eventually something softens. It isn’t always two people involved — sometimes the only character is yourself. College is often the first time you face yourself fully; no one monitors or tracks you down, it’s just you and the habits you build. Through this transition, many students unknowingly become both the villain and the hero — either standing in their own way or learning to stand beside themselves.
Many times, as students, it can be your first time moving away from home or simply your first time navigating life on your own without teachers or parents telling you what to do. There’s a lot to adapt to and minimal guidance; it is truly a humbling experience, but a very extraordinary one for self-discovery in your early years of adulthood. Many things may or may not go the way you had anticipated, and the choices you make determine your success in many aspects of your life.
As a result, toxic academic culture can be very easy to fall into. You start sacrificing sleep to finish assignments, skipping meals or basic needs to meet deadlines, and overworking yourself because that measures your success. Normalizing this lifestyle can be “easy” because it is so relatable to your peers, but living through it is very challenging.
Another important component is personal relationships: almost immediately, you want to make friends with whoever is willing to become your friend, especially when social media convinces you that big friend groups on campus are the norm. Just going with the flow may seem what’s right until you begin to experience relationships that drain you. Sometimes we may fall short and choose not to leave them because being alone feels heavier than setting boundaries. Gradually, you keep fighting yourself to keep going. The academic struggle appears normal from the outside, but internally, you are living in your own war zone, slowly becoming your own enemy. At a certain point, you’re not battling deadlines but instead yourself. Living in constant survival mode, with every choice you make pushing you further from your own needs.
Recognizing these patterns in your life allows for room to change. Just because it feels familiar does not mean you’re meant to remain in it. Just because you have adopted a normalized way of living does not mean you are entitled to live that way. It is your life, and you are able to change anytime you want. The thought may be unsettling — breaking free from your bad habits is challenging, but it is possible. You don’t have to sleep less, skip meals, or put yourself in situations you don’t want to be in, all for the value of others. It is essential that you learn to love yourself and put yourself first so that you are able to have a full cup when you pour into other things in your life. Don’t let self-neglect impede your ability to perform at your best!
The enemies-to-lovers arc isn’t about instantly loving yourself. It’s about deciding, repeatedly, to stop fighting who you are and start supporting who you’re becoming. It’s about recognizing you deserve more than survival, even on the days you’re unsure. The turning point isn’t defeating the enemy within but instead recognizing you never needed to be at war with yourself or suffer to prove you are strong and capable. Transitioning into the “lover” isn’t a new character you unlocked from yourself; it is someone you need to discover within once you allow yourself to grow.
