I want you to close your eyes (I know you have to read this, but just imagine that you have your eyes closed) and think back to a moment when someone said something to you that stuck with you. Maybe this was a bully who gifted you a new insecurity that you can’t unsee, or maybe it was a “friend” who gave unsolicited advice that was a disguise for a sneaky insult out of nowhere. I know you have these moments, I sure do. For some reason, these moments stay with us and quietly rot in the back of our minds. It’s in the quiet moments that these small attacks become violent warfare and make us question if we have any redeeming qualities. These insults say more about the person delivering them than they do us, but it doesn’t make it hurt or stick less.
I can recall a recent occurrence of this from last spring. I found myself very excited to spend time with a friend as we were going to grab a coffee or something basic like that. I considered them to be a close friend, someone I spent a lot of time with and whom I trusted. Emphasis on “spent” and “trusted,” past tense. I was stoked to notice we were wearing similar shades of pink paired with similar dark wash jeans. I thrillingly shared how I thought it was so cute that we were matching, and I was excited to go through our day with a twinning outfit. Out of nowhere, this person uttered out something like, “Well, duh. You wear the same thing every day. Like do you have any other clothes?” Guys… I wasn’t expecting that. Especially since I was so excited to spend time with this person, I was kind of speechless. I mean, what do you say to someone who totally blows out your candle of joy with a snarky comment? So, as any respectable human being would do, I harbored those feelings and pretended to ignore them. Yay, handling hard situations!
But seriously, what do you even say to a person who suddenly says something out of pocket? When I was in that moment, I convinced myself that I didn’t care about what they said. I brushed it off and settled on the idea that they were just being funny, despite the lack of laughter and any indication of humor. I knew deep down that they weren’t joking.
Fast forward to this fall when I came back to campus. I found myself pacing around my room contemplating my outfits. I critically thought about what I wore already that week and how I can create a new combination that I’ve never worn before. I tried to think back to the previous weeks and reconstruct a new version of my wardrobe. I found myself strategically formulating outfits all to make sure nobody notices if I’d worn them the previous week or at all. What was I doing!?
It took me a little while to figure out the origin of this sort of hyperfixation ritual I experienced whenever I looked in my closet. I was acting like I was about to be on stage or walking in a fashion show. I realized this came from that one comment someone made about me seven months prior. The power of words.
Since I targeted where this insecurity stemmed from, I became invincible. First of all, I’ll have everyone know that I don’t wear the same outfit all the time. And second, even if I did, best believe it’s the best outfit you’ve ever seen. All jokes aside, I love my clothes. I remember the exact outfit I was wearing, and it has become my staple ever since. I promised myself that I would not harp on the rude comments people made about me, even if they came from a friend. I promised myself that I wouldn’t worry too much about what others think about what I wear or about really anything I do. This whole circumstance taught me an invaluable lesson of staying true to myself and not worrying about the meanness many people desire to spread.
Anyway, all this to say, the best jeans come from The Gap, and I recommend heading over to their store, especially during Black Friday. They have the best deals.
