When I think of girlhood, I think of it as one long-winded path of experiences many, if not all, girls can relate to. On that note, one shared experience that many girls can relate to is being called “too emotional.” One personal anecdote that I would like to share is that once I was telling a friend, who I trusted to be vulnerable in front of, something that greatly upset me and despite knowing the context of the situation, the first thing that came out of their mouth was “God you are too sensitive; you need to get over it.” When I heard that, this hurt me more than the thing I was initially upset about. It immediately made me shrink down and doubt whether I even had the right to be upset about the matter which made me upset and if I was indeed feeling too much and thinking too deeply about it. However, looking back on it, if something upset me, I have every right to feel that way. This was just one example but the idea of women being told that they aren’t allowed to feel some type of way or shouldn’t show it is sadly a commonplace. This can apply to really any situation and the truth is, that it is hurtful, invalidating, and rooted in misogyny.
The issue at hand may seem like a one-off, but is not. It is a cycle that unfortunately starts at a young age for girls. In a school setting, if a girl gets cut off while talking and expresses her frustration, she is deemed as dramatic. If a girl rejects plans or says “no”, she’s cold. If a girl wants to showcase her attraction to her partner, she gets labeled as clingy. While there are situations where a girl can be dramatic, cold and clingy, the instantaneous labelling of women as such is toxic. It invalidates how a girl feels and even leads to horrible stereotypes such as the “crazy ex-girlfriend” trope. Do we as a society ever pause to think what did a girl do to deserve such a branding? Most of the time, she communicated her boundaries and expressed herself. Why is it okay for us as a society to collectively invalidate and shun the same things in women that men would get praised for? Men are allowed to be confident, assertive, and bold. In fact, society encourages these traits in men. However, when a woman is in a position of power, her being assertive, confident, and bold is held against her.
From a psychological perspective, it is important to feel your emotions. Emotions serve a specific purpose: they help us respond to challenges and connect with others. Emotions are also tied to decision-making. While logic can assist decisions, logic alone cannot carry out the decision-making process; our brains are wired to look for emotional input for every decision we make. Therefore, the act of suppressing our emotions, a path that unfortunately many women attempt in response to these comments, is very detrimental. Suppressing emotions can lead to increased mental health issues and can even manifest as physical issues. For this reason, the response women have to society’s comments on being “too much” shouldn’t be to stop feeling at all. It’s not that women don’t feel emotions more, it’s just that society judges them harshly for it. And the fact that society deems normal display of human emotion as “too much” also negatively impacts men as they too are often told to suppress their emotions and to “man up.”
Therefore, we as a society need to collectively examine why we make such comments when we know it is not beneficial to society at all and the perfect start is by reflecting individually. As a woman, I am never going to apologize for feeling my feelings. I know I feel deeply and to me, that is okay.
