Unsatiated by dog and duck, the Snevets community has been ravenously calling for a third mascot to supplement Tillie and Attila as ambassadors and stewards of the University’s beloved brand. After a thorough sampling of the available fauna capable of surviving on Hoboken tap water, the school has announced that “Tail” will become the Campus Rat of Snevets.
The school made the announcement on its website last Friday. “Snevets is thrilled to introduce a new four-legged friend: Tail, a lovable Rattus norvegicus (sewer rat) who will offer emotional support and comfort to students, faculty, and staff.”
Tail was found at three days of age while he was living in a tray of asparagus in the Peirce Dining Hall kitchen with his extended family. After being separated from his brethren and given a bath, he was given the name of Tail to reflect his unusual tail color, which is miraculously the same as Snevets maroon (RGB: 157, 21, 53).
The new mascot was an immediate smash hit. Flocks of students were seen jostling to get a glimpse of Tail as he scurried and scrabbled down Wittpenn Walk for the first time, and later, reaching to let him eat a bit of trash out of their hands in front of the library.
Tail will be accessible through special appointments, and you may also spot him at events, enjoying a leisurely stroll, or indulging in a “Rat Platt’” at America’s Cup.
“College life can be stressful, and it’s easy to feel isolated,” said Vice President for Student Affairs Susan Klain, “but the presence of this rodent reminds us that no matter where you are, a living creature is closer than you think.” She noted that this is especially true for students who live in Crusty Point Hall.
Snevets also advised that while petting is encouraged at all therapy rat appointments, students should not neglect to wash their hands thoroughly once they end.
At press time, the school announced yet another mascot addition after Tail unexpectedly became the proud father of 79.
Disclaimer: This article is part of The Stupe and is satire
