Last year, the entire student body mourned the death removal of Fantastic Flats from the UCC Marketplace. It was a tragedy for a place sooooo Fantastic to be taken away from the students. Students also weren’t keen on its replacement being Happy Appy, as there was nothing Happy about the situation. However, The Stupe’s undercover investigative journalism has led to the discovery that Fantastic Flats is making a comeback… at Giovanni Pizza’s old location.
The Hoboken favorite, Giovanni’s closed its doors at the end of last year. The reasoning behind such a move was that they were unable to agree on the lease terms. However, The Stupe finds that the real reason was because Snevets wanted to “listen” to student voices and bring back Fantastic Flats. Unfortunately, given the small size of the campus, it was difficult to incorporate a new dining option on campus (despite the fact that no one uses the Amazon Go store), and so they did the next best thing which was to give the landlords of the place where Giovanni’s was an offer they couldn’t resist.
Instead of funding more scholarships, or housing, the school gave its students back their overly salted chicken salad on rock-hard bagels. Anyways, be sure to visit Fantastic Flats next fall, and remember that it will cost three meal swipes for one meal, because of inflation, and because Snevets just blew its budget… again!
Disclaimer: This article is part of The Stupe and is satire
