In a bold move by Snevets administration that can only be described as intellectual hubris, a Clarks Scholars-only section of D2 with one elite group was introduced this past semester. Unlike other sections of the course, it was deemed that the Clarks Scholars, creme a la crop as they are, were in need of a bigger challenge. The design parameters were simple: create a boat capable of holding 1,870 ducks (entirely out of PLA).
A modified version of the standard kit was, of course, not provided. In place of the four AA batteries, several car batteries were “ethically sourced” from Crusty Point Hall lot. For propulsion, several box fans were “borrowed” from a range of dorms. The Halal truck generously donated a pixelated screen in place of the OLED. Incredibly long jumper wires were provided, but the group still opted to not color code their power and ground.
But the project was not all smooth sailing. Several members of the group tragically perished in the pursuit of nautical academic achievement. One group member was entirely vaporized after incorrectly wiring the super-mega-ultimate-gofuckyourself capacitor. Another group member valiantly laid down their life defending the 20 printers required for 243 hours in the MakerSpace from Senior Design teams.
The technical challenges were not limited either. Due to the sheer size of the Aruwhatchamacallit Marker needed to be seen by the Snevets satellite, the amount of heat absorbed by the black ink was enough to start melting the boat. At one point, the batteries caught fire. Fortunately, the smoke wafted into McClean and cancelled Gen Chem labs for the day.
After a half-hearted risk assessment by the TA, the USS IHateItHere was launched into the Hudson from the Blue Eyes boat ramp to clear Snevets of any liability. The boat managed to float for 13 minutes before eventually delaminating and leaking battery acid, PLA, and hopes and dreams into the Hudson (apparently net decreasing the pollution levels). Snevets has lauded this project as an unparalleled success with plans to have next year’s Clarks project be a fully functioning hovercraft. When the last surviving member of the team was asked for comment, they simply stated, “I am switching to business.”
Disclaimer: This article is part of The Stupe and is satire
