Welcome to Ask Erin and Nicole! For those of you who may not know us, I’m Nicole — a fourth-year Mechanical Engineering major, robotics and drones nerd, and scarily obsessed with Disney. Erin, on the other hand, is a fourth-year Physics and Math double major and basically my complete opposite. I’m social (cough cough… blonde), loud, and thrive on talking to others, while Erin is more of a lone wolf who loves reading and everything about physics. And yet, somehow, we’re inseparable. I met Erin going into our freshman year on Instagram, where we talked about our shared love for the musical Dear Evan Hansen, and we have been roommates ever since! YES, FOUR WHOLE YEARS! (I have no idea how she’s not sick of me… yet).
That brings me to today’s question: How do I resolve my roommate attachment issues?
Speaking from experience, I am very attached to Erin — I basically live inside her brain. But over the years, I’ve learned a few things to keep myself from spiraling every time she leaves the dorm. First, weekly roommate debriefs are a must. Setting aside a time to catch up, vent, and overshare about everything the other has missed is non-negotiable. Next, floor time and ice cream are essential for processing life together. There’s nothing quite like laying on the floor with the superior ice cream (Signature’s Salted Caramel vanilla ice cream with chocolate caramel cups from ACME — trust us, it’s so good) and just talking about everything. Finally, I’ve had to accept the hard truth that your roommate has a life outside of you. It stings, but once you embrace it, everything becomes easier — and honestly, it makes your debriefs even better. When Erin leaves for grad school next semester, I know I’ll feel like a piece of me is missing. But when we reunite, our debriefs and floor time will be even better than before.
So, if you’re dealing with roommate attachment issues, take a breath, set some traditions, and let them be their own person (and if you’re anything like me, brag about them to everyone). And if all else fails? Bribe them with ice cream.
How do I resolve my roommate attachment issues?
This is an issue I’m grappling with at the moment. I’m in the last semester of my senior year, standing on the precipice of graduate and job applications and, therefore, the possibility of moving to a new city. This will hopefully bring a lot of exciting change and new possibilities, but I am leaving behind a lot of things in Hoboken that I am sad to leave. One of these things is my roommate.
While looking for a roommate after I committed to Stevens, I had an idea of who I wanted. A quiet, solitary person with an I-won’t-bother-you-if-you-don’t-bother-me attitude. If you’ve met Nicole (and you probably have; she talks to everyone), you will find she does not necessarily fit this description. Nonetheless, I couldn’t be happier living with her. She has been there for my highest highs and lowest lows and for every part of college in between. She’s become one of my closest friends, and navigating the next chapter of my life without seeing her every day will be hard.
For anyone else afraid of moving on from old friendships, there are some steps you can take to minimize the blow. One thing you can do is to make the most of the time you have left. This can include city trips, dinners, or even starting a Stute advice column with them. It’s also important to remember that the end of college is not the end of a friendship: there will always be opportunities to visit and stay connected with old friends at Stevens, no matter what the next chapter brings. It’s important to remember old traditions and memories as well as to keep an open mind towards unlikely friendships that may lie in the future.
