While the Snevets mascot is Attila the Duck another prominent figure internally recognized by the student body, Gogo the Gorilla, has not been seen at all this year. For this reason, The Stupe has launched an investigation into the whereabouts of Gogo the Gorilla.
For context, Gogo the Gorilla used to frequent campus every so often last year but hasn’t been seen on campus since Halloween. Through very ethical investigative journalism procedures that definitely didn’t involve bribes, stalking, and threats, The Stupe discovered that Gogo the Gorilla sold himself out to Hudson Dorms. The reason why Gogo hasn’t been seen on campus is because he is being paid to literally not come here. This level of betrayal is extremely unprecedented and has offended many who enjoyed Gogo’s presence on campus.
Continuing onwards with the investigation, The Stupe also discovered that Halloween wasn’t the last time Gogo stepped foot on campus. Gogo the Gorilla and Attila the Duck have been having some “fun” times in the sex corner within Jonas Brothers Hall. However, it is still unknown as to whether the two are still together as Jonas residents haven’t seen any more traces of white feathers or black fur. The Stupe intends to make this subject matter its top priority and will communicate any further findings with the Snevets student body.
Disclaimer: This article is part of The Stupe and is satire.
