The appearance of a third wing of the Gateway building would certainly be noteworthy — if such claims could be substantiated. Rumors of a so-called “Gateway East” have only picked up steam over the last month, despite there being no tangible proof of such a building.
The Stupe has interviewed several who claimed to have encountered Gateway East. One recounted, “I saw a new building the other day — I didn’t think too much of it. To be honest, I’ve kind of lost track of all the construction that’s been going on. I tried to go inside but as soon as I did I woke up in my bed. Very disconcerting.” This anecdote could not be independently verified.
The suggestions of amenities and services housed within Gateway East are even more outrageous. A second Amazon Go, staffed by Jeff Bezos himself; a tunnel to the Rocco building; and even a secret ‘Liberaler Arts’ Department, featuring majors such as “Reality Shifting,” “Uncreative Arts,” and “Psychology 2.”
Apparently, most who have (allegedly) successfully found their way inside of Gateway East have never been seen again. One Gateway East “survivor” recounted a massive laboratory with a capacity of one. Another spoke of hallways and staircases that overlapped with each other. A third urgently described how they were stuck in a conference room for years, but only minutes had passed in the real world.
The Stupe would like to reiterate that these claims of the existence of Gateway East have not yet been proven, and likely never will. Even so, if you see the entrance to a mysterious building in any context, it is advised that you DO NOT enter it.
Disclaimer: This article is part of The Stupe and is satire.
