With the new cabinet firmly in place, the student body finds itself with a wealth of initiatives to scrutinize and assess, and a preliminary review of the state of affairs is in store. A common complaint from semesters past consisted of moans and groans about the near endless Sunday senate meetings, which surpassed expectations of the supposed two hour cut off. This was a topic of great concern, as students had ‘other things to do’ and their academics were ‘hurt from the length.’
Senate meetings, newly located in the UCC gallery, now finish in record time. Shift and Pearson’s implementation of the QuickEase initiative, however, has been met with some unanticipated friction. Senators are complaining that the meetings are now “too dry” and that they “need more time to warm up.” The UCC location swap was inspired by the sentiment that facing each other is more intimate than the lecture style of Babbio 122, but the Senators keep accidentally saying “I love you,” which is unprofessional, and quite frankly, a nightmare for CAPS.
For eons, the senators have left more to desire. Amongst other concerns, the student body has been left grappling with questions such as:
- Is that it?
- Is the cabinet capable of switching positions?
- Is it true that the cabinet will be enforcing a new “toes-out” policy?
- Who is in charge of the committee head?
- Monkey-style?
Wolf/Wang are finally here to address the student’s body concerns and offer you protection. Experts report that fifteen minutes is the optimal amount of time before toying with hard hitting topics. Wolf/Wang have pledged to supply ample discussion time, with room for senators to second notions, before offering the presidential motion to finish.
If you’re still not pleased with the new QuickEase initiative — remember that communication is key! Feel free to come during Senate meetings on Sundays at 7 p.m. If you are looking for a more hands-on role, consider running for the president’s Chief of Shaff next semester!
Disclaimer: This article is part of The Stupe and is satire.
