In honor of St*te’s 120th year, we at The Stupe are pleased to bring back the annual Pinny Bash! After 120 years of Snevets hosting the Pinnys, St*te proudly continues complaining about the Pinny program, whether free trips to the Moon every summer or the private jet rides from the Augustus Edwin Hall to the How Center.
As many Snevets members know, the Pinny program is an exclusive club for incoming first-year students offered at the time of acceptance. While no one is 100% sure how the choosing of the individuals happens, each student receives a piece of parchment on a waddling duck that shows up at their door on the day of The Stupe’s release of their senior year in high school.
Once arriving on the wondrous Snevents campus in Bohoken, Pinny faces challenges, including fighting Gogo the Gorilla and finding Kernel Jan’s Jr. in Snevet’s Castle (a time machine must be invented beforehand). However, after completing these tasks, Pinny’s has unlimited access to Red and Gray’s secret menu, the roller coaster between the How Center and the “University Towers,” and the previously mentioned Moon trips and private jets.
And with that, the annual Pinny Bash comes to a close. It is with a heavy heart that The Stupe must leave Pinnys alone for the rest of the year, but rest assured, the next 120 years shall be full just as much with anti-Pinny glory!
Disclaimer: This article is part of The Stupe and is satire.
