The act of comparing yourself to others is a natural trait that everyone, to some extent, participates in. However, like with most things, if you engage in this behavior too much it could be very detrimental to your mental well-being. College students especially are in a position where they heavily compare themselves to others in terms of getting better grades, acquiring professional opportunities, and balancing school with having fun. While at its core this habit is instinctive, it would be very beneficial to learn when and when not to compare yourself to others.
Social comparison starts as early as childhood. Children may compare themselves to their peers who may have a toy they want and thus throw a tantrum. This comparison continues as a person ages. As teenagers, social comparison happens on the topics of brand names, popular media such as shows and artists, cliques, and the fear of missing out (FOMO). Later as adults, we tend to compare ourselves to others on the basis of who makes more money, who marries well, and who has a successful, picture-perfect life.
Comparisons are made using two methods: upward social comparison and downward social comparison. Upward comparisons involve looking at those who are better off than we are. This in and of itself is not necessarily bad because it could be someone who inspires you and motivates you to better yourself. This type of comparison does more harm than good, however, if the comparison is coming from a place of jealousy or envy. Downward comparisons, on the other hand, deal with comparing ourselves to those who are faring worse than us. As mean as it sounds, everyone has done this at one point or another.
While it is known that comparing yourself to others is inevitable, there is, however, a correlation between the extent to which people compare themselves to others and self-esteem. Those who tend to have higher self-esteem and less stressors in their lives fare better with social comparisons and tend not to compare themselves with others overall. When they participate in upward comparisons, it is usually from a place of motivation and inspiration rather than jealousy or envy. For those who struggle with self-esteem and have more stressors in their lives, downward comparisons are often used to make themselves feel better. Upward comparisons oftentimes don’t come from a positive place for this group of people as it can bring down their self-esteem even more and add to the stress.
Despite this correlation, to some extent, social comparisons can be a good thing. Social comparisons cause people to work on themselves and work towards achieving their true potential. This is caused by the fear of being judged and the feeling of being left behind. Alternatively, social comparisons may also make people appreciate all that they have. However, if you find yourself stuck in a tedious cycle of negative comparisons, there are steps you can take to break free. Some things you can do include:
- Creating a support system which allows you to be held accountable but also voice your feelings.
- Having a role model which gives you something to work towards and provides a source of inspiration.
- Practice self-love and take time to appreciate how far you have come.
