After many mysterious disappearances, both of bowling balls and the occasional player, a few unlucky students (mainly a few of the many computer science majors on campus) attempted to discover what’s really going on with lane six, but all of them disappeared without a trace. Those students were my friend group, and I realized it was up to me to avenge them by figuring out what exactly happened. I also had nothing better to do, considering my whole friend group was gone.
One night, I ventured down to the Howe basement and waited for everyone to vacate the alley. As the last person left, I snuck in while the door was still open and lurked behind the tables until I knew for sure the coast was clear. Using my phone’s flashlight, I slowly approached the ball-return at lane six and moved the light around, trying to look for any clues. Interestingly enough, there were chunks of white fur littering the ground. I wasn’t sure what the fur could be, but I knew the ripped up pieces of Linear Algebra homework were definitely from my now-missing friends.
I followed the pieces of fur and homework paper and found a rectangular-shaped hatch on the floor right next to the ball-return. At this point, I probably should have just minded my own business and left it alone, but I knew I had to rescue my friends, especially since I had a computer science midterm coming up and definitely needed some help. So, I decided to pry the door open and climb down the ladder that awaited me.
As I descended the ladder, I realized that I was in some sort of cave. Once my feet hit the ground, I turned on my flashlight and found more pieces of fur laying around and miscellaneous items like backpacks, bowling shoes, old bowling balls, and socks that apparently had been chewed. As my light traveled around the room, I noticed tunnel entrances with signs indicating that these tunnels lead to various other spooky places on campus such as the basement of Gateway South, Humphrey’s Hall (that one smelled strongly of Axe body spray when I got too close to its entrance), and of course, the UCC.
Suddenly, I flinched back as I came face to face with a portrait of President Farvardin and his beloved dog Martini. Something about it seemed suspicious, so I crept closer and to my surprise, I found papers and diagrams detailing how for years, students have been sacrificed in order to keep Martini alive all these years. The ceremony involved luring students in with the bowling alley, opening the hatch to trap them, and then performing some sort of ritual involving candles and red and gray robes.
Feeling sick, I sat down, trying to process everything I had just seen and read. I may be a dog lover, but even I couldn’t justify this! As I went to sit back up, my hand brushed against something warm and waxy — a lit candle. This was not there when I first entered the cave. I whipped around to see robed figures approaching me. I knew that I was next. At that moment, it was fight or flight — and I chose flight.
I took off and ran into the tunnel labeled UCC, and I refused to turn back to see who was behind me. I just kept running until I reached the UCC where I knew I could take refuge in my dorm.
I know that I don’t have much time before they find me. By writing this, I am hoping that others can read my story and investigate this conspiracy even further before it’s too late.
