You may be familiar with the phrase, “it’s lonely at the top.” This common phrase has roots back to the 15th century; “Uneasy lies the head of the crown” was scripted in Henry IV, Part 2, William Shakespeare’s play about the prominent English King. The concept of loneliness at the top is timeless and appears to be felt by leaders everywhere. From The President of the United States to the President of Harvard University, or to the CEO of Apple, many prominent leaders have expressed feelings of loneliness in their elevated positions of influence.
There’s no doubt that anecdotally, being in a leadership position can be isolating. Former US President Barack Obama explained that quickly, in his role as President, he felt a “crushing sense of personal responsibility.” Between finding trustworthy and loyal allies and feeling the blunt criticism of decisions you make, leadership can be a contributor to feeling alone.
Most recently, I heard the loneliness paradigm in a student leadership context and it begged the exploration of the question: is it really, lonely at the top?
MIT Sloan Management Review illustrated a beautiful narrative of the different social spaces life revolves around: personal private space, public space, and workspace. Personal space is for friends and unconditional relationships. In contrast, public space is for those conditional relationships where value is exchanged for the relationship to stay afloat; we can call these relationships allies. Allies are colleagues, work partners, a boss, or a classmate. The last type of relationship is the connection between friend and colleague. The Review referred to this relationship as “business relationships with people you enjoy being with.” These individuals are also referred to as “chums.”
While the term “chum” is by no means glamorous, chums live in the precarious space between the people we enjoy most and the people we must spend time with. The intersection of the two breeds a vital combination for any leader’s success.
This past summer I had the privilege of being the Peer Leader Coordinator. It was a sizable leadership position which oversaw the Peer Leader team from a student’s eye. I had the pleasures and sorrows of being in a role of influence over other students and like any role you will make unpopular decisions that will upset parts of your group. I will say firsthand that it can be isolating to lead other students. But it doesn’t have to be.
The Kellogg School of Management researched and found the opposite; people placed in positions of power feel less lonely and more connected. What I found even more interesting, however, was the fact that you do not even need to be in a position of power, you just need to perceive that you feel powerful:
In a study done on 148 undergraduates, students were randomly assigned to a high-power, low-power, and control status group. Then, high-power students were asked to reflect in writing on a time they had power over others, and low-power students to reflect on a time they felt powerless. After their reflection, students were asked to rate interest in a campus service activity that would facilitate student friendships. Students influenced to feel temporarily powerless felt more of a need for social connection than those feeling powerful. I found this study particularly interesting because it demonstrates that students feeling powerful felt more connection and less of a need for social integration.
Leaders have unique access to more connections and feel a greater sense of belongingness if they leverage their opportunities. We, as leaders, have the unique opportunity to turn our allies into chums. As the MIT Review said the art of the chum is “inviting business allies into your courtyard while keeping them out of your kitchen.” I’m not telling you to be friends with everyone but, we can make our work partners, fellow student leaders, and involved students our chums. On a college campus we are so lucky to have a community to tap into and a place to make it all happen. Furthermore, with leaders having larger networks there are only more people to connect and chum with.
We student leaders all have the same goal; every student leader in some way believes they can make the experience better for other students that come after them. Time and time again we prove the power of student leadership.
I wrote this article with a call for change: I strive for unity amongst both students and faculty — chums and allies alike. It’s time to end student-on-student conflict, and even worse, staff conflict that trickles down to the students. While my experiences with such conflicts are not firsthand, I have seen my peers and friends fall victim to this. This conflict speaks volume to the challenges some student leaders can face in their roles.
Earlier this year, I decided to run for President of the SGA with hopes of unifying our student body and campus leaders to foster an inclusive environment to inspire and establish the most engaged undergraduate body Stevens has ever seen. After seeing the highly motivated first-year class during orientation, now more than ever, we have an obligation to pave a path for emerging leaders and unify existing ones to empower inclusive contributions to our campus.
Over the past year I’ve heard of many student organizations having their fair share of conflict. This conflict bleeds into a polarized environment empowering some and kicking down others. It’s lonely at the top when we choose to ostracize and isolate members of our community for attempting the same goal, we all have: make a difference.
I recently read, “These are college students, and so many of them really haven’t experienced big opportunities to have power over others, but they’ve had plenty of opportunities to feel powerless.” Circling back to the study mentioned earlier, you just must feel empowered to reap the benefits of feeling connected in leadership.
These four years might be the first opportunity for students to embrace their first role of influence; the first opportunity to engage in something you find interesting; and the choice to defend a cause you stand for. At a University like Stevens, we are in such a position of power to have access to so many unique ways to become involved. We are not powerless; we can express our influence in ways that ripple out into our community in ways that have never been felt before. Every one of us is here to take part in something more lasting and significant than ourselves. Find your chums and change our community for the better.
