More than a couple of times over my academic career, I have wondered if I am happy. Am I busying myself with the things that fulfill me, or am I distracting myself from realizing my unhappiness? I come back from 12-hour days considering the three years I’ve already sunk into an engineering degree and how long I can keep this pace up.
I have more things going on right now than I ever imagined I was capable of. Time management was difficult for me throughout high school and as I started Stevens, but I’ve found that it’s a result of the people I spend my time with. The decision was both convenient and conscious to make friends with people who cared more about academics than I did. In surrounding myself with people who prioritized doing assignments early and active involvement in clubs, I adopted those traits myself.
Each year on campus, I have found deeper roots in this community. In my first year, as I tried to get my footing and survive Chem I and II, I wasn’t exactly involved. With the return of in-person classes and activities in my second year, I expanded my circle, explored Hoboken and the greater NYC area, and found The Stute. In my third year, I tried to get a grasp of campus culture by engaging with the community through student performances, open mic nights, and just getting outside and meeting people. Each semester, I’ve tried to do more, join more clubs, and take on more jobs, against the doctor’s order with my impending case of senioritis.
As I’ve learned more about campus culture, I think that this level of involvement is the type of insane that so many students here are; you have to want in excess. There’s a drive for intensity: you always have to max out your potential, achieve the most, fill your days, and sacrifice sleep. It runs deep into the academic requirements, where “reduced-load” 15-credit semesters means you can’t graduate in four years, and it’s not uncommon for seniors to still be taking 18 credits or more. It’s in the standards for academic probation, which dictate that receiving more than three C’s does not get you a degree. Not only is everything extremely rigorous, but it also comes so naturally to me. I’ve had many conversations where we just list all of the commitments we have, trying to prove to each other and ourselves that ‘I am busy because what I do is important.’ It ties in with the broader issue of hustle culture that you can’t enjoy activities if it doesn’t make you money or add to your resume.
Would I have chosen engineering, or Stevens for that matter, if it wasn’t for the return on investment? I try not to hypothesize about that too much because that is not the world we live in. Often, money, cost, and value are the driving factors in decision-making, but your life is separate from the earnings you generate. You need to learn to be happy regardless of your starting salary. Don’t disregard your hobbies by throwing all your time into your career; you will not be rewarded for running yourself ragged with overcommitments. Test the waters and expose yourself to new opportunities that only a college experience can offer, but don’t give so much of yourself away that there is nothing left outside of academics.
