My first week at Stevens was not the university experience I had been anticipating. The growing pains were compounded by unique circumstances; it was September 2020, all classes were virtual, and contact with others was at a minimum. Talking in breakout rooms felt awkward, indoor gatherings were prohibited, and my door was shut to keep my germs to myself. In the first three days, I met one new person. I blamed myself for not trying harder to connect virtually and lacked the confidence to go up to a group and introduce myself. How were other people managing this? I couldn’t be the only one eating alone in my room.
Zoom lectures didn’t leave any room for continued socialization after class ended. I felt trapped in my room to take the call and stare at faces in boxes that didn’t feel real. I asked my RA for help. We ate in the dining hall, one of the only times that week where I faced someone without a mask or screen between us. He was also figuring out how to plan an event that worked within capacity limits, and I walked away with a COVID-compliant plan to meet my neighbors. I messaged my floor’s GroupMe, inviting them to watch The Princess Bride projected outside our building on Friday night. Around 20 freshmen joined me, and immediately I felt the transformation of social connection. It didn’t matter if we became the closest of friends or drifted apart without having overlapping classes, the point was to meet people. My neighbor across the hall offered a hand bringing my computer and projector setup back upstairs. We had breakfast the next morning, remained friends for the year, and now we’re going into our second year of being roommates.
Even in a small school like ours, even with barriers to interaction during lockdown, there are opportunities to constantly meet new people from different backgrounds and circumstances. ResEd, Student Affairs, and The Office of Student Culture and Belonging all exist to work for you, the only way they can help is if you let them know you’re not happy. They already have events planned, and it’s on you to help yourself and attend them. I used to feel out of place to show up to a meeting without knowing anyone, but think like the coordinator of the event. More attendees indicate a more successful event; do not discount the worth of coming to listen. If I’m desperate for connection, there’s an urge to control the conversation, because I want everyone to meet me so they’ll be friends with me. I’ve learned to listen before contributing and to find where my contribution is valuable. Consider whether this group is a good fit for you, trying to force it with people you don’t have much in common with is a fruitless and frustrating effort.
One of the most unique and useful aspects of Stevens and the general college experience is transplanting yourself to a place where others are looking for like-minded people. It is your responsibility to go and find them. It’s unlikely that you find a lifelong group the first week, even the first semester, or possibly the first year. You don’t have to commit to the people you meet during freshman year, even temporary friendships are still meaningful. Adjusting to a college setting might not feel any easier than it was for me, but it’s still up to you how to best use your freedom here.
