My freshman year has been fantastic. Well, not really. But it hasn’t been terrible, and because of that, I hate complaining. It could’ve been a lot worse. And while I am suffering through my classes at this point in the semester, I try to look at the bright side of things. That’s pretty hard to do, considering I only want to go back home. And while I was never expecting this urge to be so strong, it is, and I’m finally accepting it.
Living away from home wasn’t as hard as everyone made it out to be. Yeah, laundry sucks, but that’s about it. Loneliness is the worst part of the ordeal, especially being so family-oriented. I hated having to miss birthdays, holidays, and other occasions. And while I only live about an hour away from Stevens, I always feel bad having to drag my parents to come and get me. So I try to make the most of my time at home.
I spent this past weekend at Church celebrating Palm Sunday (we’re Orthodox, so we’re basically a week behind everyone else). I never thought I’d miss the annoyingly long masses so much. The worst part is the whole thing is in Aramaic, and no one understands a word. Seriously, we’re all a bunch of Syriac Christians stuck with a dying language for the sake of the culture. But, nonetheless, I enjoyed it. I loved seeing my family and friends talking about college and everything that had been happening. Being surrounded by people of your own background is so comforting and honestly essential for me. That’s probably the only downside of Stevens; there aren’t many people like me here. Or I just haven’t found them yet.
I spent my spring break in Beirut, and as soon as I landed, I dreaded the flight back. I loved seeing my family members everywhere, spending time with my little cousins, and bonding over stuff Americans don’t usually like, like Tarab. Tarab is a genre of Arabic music that basically translates to “ecstasy.” The songs are hours long and never get tiring to listen to. Imagine every stereotypical Arabic song with a woman humming; that’s Tarab. I can’t play that at the after-party, not in Jersey.
My roommate’s been pretty cool about it; she even suggested a few songs. This is probably my favorite thing about her; she always gives me room to feel “at home.” While I’ve struggled to feel included in spaces here, I’ve never felt like an outlier around her. And it makes up for that immense lonely feeling. The best part about coming back to Stevens is having debriefs about our weekends. If not for those conversations, I’d probably just stay home all the time. So thank you Zeynep, for making me not miss every single one of my classes (and listening to all the Umm Kulthum I play).
I’ve concluded by this point in my freshman year that if I can be around my family more, I’ll do it. I’ll take a crappy commute over this feeling of loneliness. But again, I couldn’t be more thankful for the connections I have made here, especially with my roommate. Living on campus taught me so much about myself, and I am incredibly grateful to have had this opportunity.
