It is with a heavy heart that I announce the tragically early departure of the Stupe’s Editor in Chief, Isabelle Sieve, presumed dead by authorities on March 17, 2023 at the age of 20, seven days after her disappearance. Isabelle, referred to by her inner circle as Isy, will be remembered as a kind, talented, and effortlessly clever individual; perhaps a little too clever. A private investigation to uncover her definitive cause of death continues, and the brief summary of current facts is as follows.
The family and friends of Isy Sieve reported no contact since the early morning of March 10, 2023.
Sieve, a huge Taylor Swift fan, was in a known scuffle with the former Editor in Chief, Manjana Sadhu, during the March 8, 2023 Stupe production meeting over the best T-Swift song. Sieve passionately claims “All Too Well (10 minute version) (Taylor’s Version)” while Sadhu cites “invisible string”. In an effort to settle this debacle, the current and former Editors in Chief announced their intentions to purchase last minute, scalped Eras tour tickets in hopes of listening to both songs in person and salvaging their long standing friendship.
Sieve updated her living will to include Sadhu on the afternoon of March 9, 2023.
Punxsutawney Phil disappeared and his inner circle has not been able to locate the groundhog since the discovery of his empty sleeping quarters on the morning of March 12, 2023.
Sieve’s life insurance policy was cashed in on March 17, 2023.
Three of the most expensive Taylor Swift tickets for the March 18, 2023 Arizona Eras Tour stop were snatched up at the last minute on the morning of the show by an anonymous buyer.
As it stands, the evidence is insurmountable. The Editor in Thief swindled her life insurance carrier out of fraudulent benefits to attend the second night of Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour with Sadhu and Punxsutawney Phil in order to settle their potentially friendship-ending debate. Sadhu declines to comment on the matter, but has suspiciously changed her previous tune, and now favors “All Too Well (10 minute version) (Taylor’s Version).” Fellow March 18, 2023 T-Swift concert attendee Sarah Woof snapped the attached picture. For the foreseeable future, I, Ava Wang, will be taking over the Editorial opinion column. Phil remains at large.
Photo Courtesy of Sarah Woof
Disclaimer: this article is a part of The Stupe and is satire
