The best thing about being Editor of The Stute is that it keeps me on top of my schedule — who knows what kind of chaos my life would delve into without Google Calendar and The Stute’s Assignment Tracker. But sometimes, these oh-so-helpful tools have me living in the future.
If you don’t already know, The Stute operates one week in the future. We assign articles for an issue of the newspaper one week in advance so that writers have enough time to reach out to sources, collect information, gather their thoughts, and write their articles. Often, this has the organization, especially the editorial board, thinking about next week’s issue well before this week’s issue is finished.
I’m also living in the future, in the sense of trying to figure out what my after-graduation plans are and where I’ll end up because I’m currently deciding between a few options. On top of this, I’m also fantasizing about what my new apartment will look like, trying to refuel my motivation toward lost hobbies, and dreaming about what it’ll be like to move to a new city and meet new people from all over the country and the world. There’s so much unknown about the future. The last 21 years of my life have felt calculated, mapped out even. This is the first time in my life that I feel like I truly have a choice in how I want to live my life, which is equally exciting as it is terrifying.
Now looking at the Assignment Tracker, where The Stute tracks all of the content we write, I see that there are only three more Editorials before our next election cycle, which happens towards the end of March. In other words, that means after this issue, I’ll only be writing for this column two more times. Due to the realization of this, combined with the emails about commencement and the celebratory events leading up to graduation, I’ve become very nostalgic about my time at Stevens, and have spent a decent amount of time reflecting on the past.
First my freshmen year, I was so naive, yet ambitious in terms of how I approached my life. I wanted to make the most out of my experience and take advantage of all the resources made available by Stevens. I joined many clubs, spent countless hours in the library, and started to build meaningful relationships. I had dreams of traveling the world, “discovering myself,” and accomplishing something, without much direction in terms of what that something would be. Then, the pandemic sent me back home, where my life felt disrupted and stagnated, and I’m sure everyone can relate. I felt burnt out, and exhausted, but avoided my boredom by taking heavy courseloads.
Coming back to Hoboken, the last three semesters have felt like a blur. I jumped into every experience and opportunity that came my way. I decided that my life should be equal parts enjoyment and work, and that’s exactly what I tried to accomplish, and boy did I succeed. But yet at the end of the day, I felt drained, overstimulated, and jaded. I was overexerting myself, prioritizing life experiences and academics over my overall health and well-being.
At this point in my life, as I’m being pulled to the past through nostalgia and reflection and to the future through The Stute and anticipation of graduating, I feel like I’m at a crossroads in my life. My mind sees a lengthy, fruitful path ahead of me, full of promise and zest. Behind me, there’s a collection of experiences from which I’ve learned so much and have helped me discover more about myself. For a while now, my thoughts have tumultuously oscillated between the two paths.
No matter your academic year at Stevens, I’m sure everyone feels regular pulls to the past and the future. But while indulging the reminiscence and anticipation, don’t forget to live in the present.
