My high school friend came to visit this weekend with her two college friends. As we battled through the stinging Hoboken winds and settled in the heavenly warmth of a Thai restaurant, we somehow entered a conversation about “NPCs.” This word that seems to be popularized by TikTok trends has become a way to describe people. Who seemed to have a personality? Who didn’t? As judgemental as that conversation was, it made me think about what it really means to have an individual personality. Who are we really? There are so many factors that influence us in life. So many people who really shape how we act and think. But what makes one person different from the next? What determines who is the influencer and who is the influenced?
I think the need for validity and acceptance in the first year of college really accentuates this ability to be influenced. Oftentimes we choose attractive aspects of a certain person and place them on ourselves. Maybe it’s just part of how we assimilate, but this could include the way someone acts or talks. Even social media has decided to pick and choose what is a socially acceptable personality by analyzing if it is “cringeworthy” or not (pick me girls and guys have officially been deemed as cringeworthy). We act how we think is supposed to be the “right way” while maybe changing our real selves in the process. After all, a person that everyone likes must be doing something right to attract so many people. With this way of thinking, we may start to analyze personalities to see what is attractive and proceed to behave that way. So, through the layers of other personalities, it’s hard to determine what makes an individual person unique. What makes you you?
As much as I would like to say “just be yourself” or “embrace your uniqueness,” I won’t pretend that it is easy. Just look at how many memes there are about Debby Ryan. It can be hard to really realize who you are when there are so many social expectations or standards that try to determine what an “attractive” personality is. That also makes it difficult to open up when you just meet a person. While strong personalities are nice, too much of a strong personality is overbearing. A quiet person is seen as “cool” and “reserved,” but if you are too quiet then you are seen as “mean” or deemed as an “NPC” So when you are in a place and position where people’s opinions can seem to matter the most (like a first year at college), it isn’t easy to just be yourself. Over time, those layers can seem to shed and you tend to find yourself, but what are you supposed to do until then?
A lot of people go on a journey to search for their true selves, and I think college can help with that at times. Soon enough we realize that the opinions of other people don’t matter as much as we think they do. It’s okay to not show everyone who you really are the first time you meet them, and being alone can be the best way to find out who you really are. The more time you spend with yourself, the more you will get to know your lifelong partner (which is you).
Thank you for coming to my TedTalk :).
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