Mysterious petting zoo appears on campus

On Thursday, March 30, Snevets’ campus featured a random petting zoo between 2 p.m. to 5 p.m., inviting STEM students to take a break from their difficult workload. For business students, attending the petting zoo was a graduation requirement, so please see your advisor if you failed to attend. 

The petting zoo featured animals of all kinds: lambs, sheep, donkeys, alpacas, cows, bunnies, ducks, and chickens, to name a few. Students were able to pet the animals, feed them, take selfies with them, and also just stand and gawk in awe.  

But the burning question on everyone’s minds is why: Why was this petting zoo on campus? Who organized this petting zoo? Why was the petting zoo not advertised beforehand? Reporters at The Stupe were determined to find out.

The Stupe reached out to three suspects: President Narfarvar, Attila the Duck, and Pearl from Pierce. After a rumored fight between Narfarvar, Atilla, Pearl, The Stupe believed that one of these suspects might have put the petting zoo on campus to distract from the bad press. 

President Narfarvar was seen in passing and when asked about the zoo, replied, “I don’t recall seeing this in the school budget. Whoever did this better not have taken it out of my salary!” 

Next, The Stupe reached out to Atilla, feeling that his animal roots may link him to the petting zoo. Attila, however, busy petting the ducks (weird), responded, “If I organized this, it would have my name all over it.” Based on the shameless duck branding seen all over Snevets and the lack thereof with the petting zoo, it’s clear that the petting zoo was not his doing. 

In a final attempt of unmasking the petting zoo creator, The Stupe reached out to Pearl from Pierce. Pearl was clueless about the petting zoo; “What petting zoo? I never saw it.” Her quick dismissal of the topic was indeed suspicious, but knowing how much the Snevets students respect Pearl, we would never challenge her word. 

In the end, it’s unclear why this petting zoo appeared on campus. The reporters of The Stupe are retiring the case and handing it off to The St*te in hopes that their reporters will be able to find more information.