In a sudden turn of events, President Narfarvar has decided to step down from his position as the President of Snevets. Though nobody knows the exact reason, there is a multitude of speculations as to why this may have occurred. Some say that he wants to transition to a full-time job caring for his 17-year-old dog Margarita, others say that he struck it rich on stocks (due to insider trading), and others believe that after strenuous decades in higher education, especially at Snevets, he needed a break. It is safe to say we will all miss our beloved president, who made countless positive changes to our school.
With this matter at hand, the question posed to the Snevets’ community is who is next in charge. It appears that Narfarvar has full decision-making power in this appointment, as he has hired his executive assistant to take on the role. Phyllis Ruiz is the Executive Assistant to the President here at Snevets, and she also happens to be my mom :). She initially didn’t love the idea of me writing this about her, so I’ll do her well and write about her in a positive light. When Ruiz was informed about her prestigious promotion, she immediately knew she was extremely unqualified. However, Narfarvar assured her that so are all of the professors on campus. He informed Ruiz that he lost a bet that resulted in making her term end whenever Brady retires, which he may not know means she will likely be president for the next 10 years.
In an interview with The Stupe, Ruiz discussed what her plans include for the coming years. For instance, Ruiz attended a liberal arts college, and she believes that transitioning Snevets into one would be beneficial solely because “I went to one.” This is her first order of business with no further comments.
In recent conversations between myself and Ruiz, I told her how many of my friends and I have struggled with particularly difficult STEM courses. Therefore, she has decided to remove all STEM courses as a requirement to graduate in correlation with the transition to a liberal arts college. As a reminder, counseling is available on campus for those who have already taken any particularly traumatic course, and full refunds for courses will be issued to students.
On the subject of Red and Gray Cafe being removed as an eatery on campus, Ruiz is aware of the consensus that this is arguably the best cafe at Snevets, and she has decided that Red and Gray is here to stay. In terms of the classrooms that would have been built there, she will relocate them into room 404 of Castle Point Hall (Sorry guys!). Further, on the subject of eating, Ruiz is dedicated to providing students with better quality food and will provide delicious home-cooked meals on a daily basis to every single student. However, if she starts to ask me for help with cooking, I advise you not to eat the food.
Finally, Ruiz is well aware of the immense amount of tuition that our hard-working students have to pay, and she has decided that 75% of her salary will go towards giving back to student tuition. So generous!
All-in-all, Ruiz is extremely nervous to take on this role, but Snevets has nothing to lose. Congratulations and good luck!!
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