Some things never get old: vampires, Greek mythology, forwarding chain emails, and the most relevant at this current point in our lives—stress inducing deadlines. Christmas is only 13 weeks away which means finals are only 11 weeks away which means… Well, let’s not get too far into it now, shall we? Oh joyous, lovely, most dearly missed in-person school. When did you get so intimidating? So difficult? So obnoxiously hurried? Sometimes I find myself missing the days when I could roll out of bed, login to class in a span of thirty seconds, and go back to sleeping peacefully with my laptop muted. But then again, it’s genuinely lovely to finally be back to an in person school experience, even if the pace feels so much faster than I recall.
One important lesson I’ve realized recently is that college is a humbling experience. Earlier this week, my TA at a recitation asked if I would like to answer the problem we had all been working on for the past ten minutes, to which I politely declined by saying “No thank you, I would very much not like to answer because I have no idea how or where to start.” Though people laughed at me in the moment, and I used to be embarrassed and even panicked whenever I was lost in class, now I realize it’s really just a part of the college experience. Some people will know exactly which philosopher is being quoted in the middle of a mechanics lecture, while others won’t. And regardless, no one will know which category you fall into as long as you nod sagely when the scholar of the second is revealed.
So, panicking at recitations and having too slim of a knowledge of ancient philosophers. What a life! That all probably makes it sound like I am getting absolutely run over by the higher education system I’m currently enrolled in, which is very much not true—especially because I would have gotten a very unhappy and vocal phone call if this were the case. (One sec… is that my phone ringing? Phew, just a call about my outstanding mortgage bill on the house I mysteriously don’t own.) I guess the big idea that I am starting to understand at this point is that you don’t have to know everything everything. You don’t have to know precisely what is going on in every class the moment after it’s taught. Some lessons take a little longer to sink in than others, and that’s perfectly fine! You’re definitely not alone if you feel “unsmart” or “out of place” because I’ve felt that way before too. Matter of fact, I still feel it in moments like when I accidentally make eye contact with my TA, and they call on me to solve the seemingly impossible problem in question. There’s no reason to be embarrassed or to admit to being lost, because doesn’t being lost at least imply a search for something?
Now, I’m not saying “skip classes, never do homework, ignore deadlines, and avoid eye contact with people at all costs” because that is hands down some terrible advice. But what I am saying is that it’s actually kind of a normal thing to panic at a recitation, or to feel confused when the board in math class has more Greek letters on it than actual numbers. And though it is disheartening at first to feel lost, just know this: it should not stop you from trying again and again until you finally get it. It may take one time, it may take a dozen, and it may take even more. It will probably get on your nerves and make you angry or sad, or angry and sad, but the struggle is how we can learn to appreciate the hard work that goes into succeeding.
Second-Year Freshman is an Opinion column used to explore the unique experiences of Sophomore students who studied remotely their freshman year during the coronavirus pandemic, and are now experiencing campus life for the first time during the 2021-2022 academic year.
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