For the vast majority of my time at Stevens, it only ever felt like things were constantly escalating. Every semester brought more responsibilities (both because of things that are simply built into college life, and because I kept taking on more responsibilities voluntarily); harder classes, new friends and social groups, fresh controversies, you name it. Things only ever got more chaotic, my calendar and email signature increasingly cluttered, the situations I found myself in increasingly absurd. And for the most part, I was absolutely loving it.
Now, it feels like I’ve passed a tipping point. The election is over, Trump’s cries of fraud are largely being laughed out of court, and vaccines are coming, so there’s something of a rough end date in sight for all of the insanity of this year. Since all of my hardest classes should be over in just a few weeks and I’m set to be replaced in the Student Government at the beginning of next semester, this Spring is shaping up to be the calmest semester I’ve ever had. Things already feel far calmer than I’m used to, and I’m starting to appreciate it more than I expected to. This could also just be a temporary lull in the chaos, of course, but it doesn’t feel that way.
Stevens students, especially those who are heavily involved on campus, have a tendency to wear their burnout as a badge of honor, and I’m no different. The logic goes something like, “I’m the best because I hold four E-board positions, get straight As, am working on two degrees and a minor, party like there’s no such thing as Monday, and have mastered the art of sleeping for less than three hours a night.” It’s a tempting mindset because it feels good to be on top of things, to feel like you’re constantly pushing yourself further, to feel important. But it stops being healthy as soon as you start sacrificing sleep, social life, relaxation, healthy eating habits, or whatever else, in order to accomplish it. The real badge of honor isn’t being able to accomplish your goals despite the burnout, it’s finding a balance that lets you accomplish them without getting burnt out at all.
I used to be afraid of this tipping point; I used to worry that I would get bored once I was no longer being stretched too thin to ever run out of things to do. The idea of a 9-5 schedule used to give me goosebumps. Now I look forward to the consistency of a set schedule, of being able to leave whatever office I end up in at a set time and stop worrying about it for the rest of the day. After these past few months where everything has felt somewhat dislodged from time, the structure of a set schedule looks appealing. I am pretty bored, but I blame that more on the months of lockdown than anything else. I realize now that I can always go back to taking on more goals and responsibilities if I get bored in the long term.
Of course, all these thoughts are developing against the backdrop of another few months of hard lockdown as we wait for a (publicly available) vaccine. So to some extent, I think my brain is trying to find ways to cope with a long winter of hiding inside. It’s our responsibility to stick to pandemic-safe hobbies to try and get things under control, which tend to be pretty calm. They are also competing with some of the ideas I wrote about a few weeks ago about not wasting time, but part of what I’m trying to say is that forcing yourself to be over productive is just as much a waste of time as not being productive enough. Its all about finding that balance.
After three and a half years of biting off more and more until I found out exactly how much I could chew, things finally seem to be winding down. And it doesn’t feel half bad.
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