You are invincible. Look at you — taking more than 16 credits this semester, trying out various virtual networking events in your dream field, making memorable relationships with your peers. The moment you made time work for you, you became unstoppable. Look at everyone imploringly gaze at you — they want what you have.
But what if they had a part of you — that was never to be theirs? What if you got angry or sad over something that never meant to hurt you?
One of my biggest weaknesses I learned to conquer recently was my ego. My sense of self-importance riding on the fact that I must do something to make myself feel like I am worth anything.
Last fall, that was making sure I had a summer internship for this summer. I was so vested that I let it take control over my self-esteem for months. I applied everywhere, diligently tried on every single HireVue, and always had an enthusiastic smile for in-person interviews.
Then, it was 2020, and it seemed like I spoke everything into existence — in a bittersweet way. I became a member of the Stevens Student Managed Investment Fund (SSMIF), finally got an amazing internship offer for the summer, and many countless opportunities to challenge myself at work and in academics. Oh, and we can’t ignore the opportunity to be part of The Stute!
Looking back, there was a lot for me to accept about my ego which allowed me to learn how to accept and conquer it.
How One Weakness Taught Me to Appreciate my Imperfections
Writing was one of the ways for me to accept my other vulnerabilities. There is something powerful and humbling about taking the pen and transforming that frustration onto a blank piece of lined paper. Being good to yourself requires you being honest with what you write.
Accept Your Vulnerabilities
You and me both want to be the person in the first paragraph; the person who is clean, strong, and flawless like a porcelain doll with no cracks or weaknesses. But highlighting your strengths while masking your weaknesses will be of no help to anyone, especially you. To truly have more power to you, you need to conquer your vulnerabilities by accepting them for what they are.
How to Accept Vulnerabilities
If you ever feel frustrated about anything, write the frustration on a blank piece of paper. Take that piece of paper and crush in between your hands. Rip it apart into a million tiny pieces. Trash that useless junk. What happened to your frustration? Down the drain and out the mind!
That was the advice that my mom gave to me whenever I had a temper tantrum because I couldn’t watch Mister Rogers Neighborhood and have Fig Newtons alongside. Looking back, that simple piece of advice has actually helped me in accepting my personal flaws now.
I hope this makes it easier to visualize and accept yours.
Name the Vulnerability
Give it a name. I’ll name one of my very first as an example — language arts. Ironic, I know.
When I was in the 5th grade, I was absolutely terrified of writing. As a first-generation immigrant, English was my least favorite subject because for a long time I felt like I was incapacitated of writing something in good English. For years, I badly convinced myself that I should focus on math since I’ll never be as good as my friends in the humanities. So, after 9th grade, I decided to work on it. I gave my vulnerability a name; I acknowledged there was something in my life I needed to work on immediately.
Conquer your Fears
Understand your vulnerabilities are your past. Your past festers in the heart and your future grows in your head.
One of the biggest truths that took a long time for me to accept that while I was not a great writer at first, I could only get better. That there really is more to writing than just reading The Scarlet Letter, writing a rhetorical analysis essay, and getting an 80%. It was one of the truest forms for me to admit that my thoughts — moreover, my identity— are real. I may not have the most eloquent English, but I could always get better. I had to beat the weakness — head over heart.
Now that I think about it, I did write out my weakness on a piece of paper. I tackled my weaknesses head over heart, ripped them into a million pieces by working to be a better writer, and worried less about my ego ride on materialistic goals.
Impeding stressors became beacons of light — I let my vulnerabilities become a stronger shield to my identity and strengths.
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