Did I do enough?

With only one and half weeks of classes left—and my last column for The Stute—I decided to take the time to look back and wonder, “Did I do enough?”

During my time at Stevens, I served on the executive board for The Stute and Lodge, served as committee chairs for the SGA, and participated in multiple other organizations. But when I try to think of the impact I’ve had on campus, I fall short. If I did things differently—like dedicate myself to other organizations or make different decisions—would things have turned out better?

I’ve struggled with this thought before and have never come to a closer consensus. I look to my left and see some people who get what they want and are recognized for it. I then look to my right and see more people who try to make an impact, but are never recognized for their efforts. Where do I fall? Clearly, on the right side of this metric. I’ve tried and tried, but almost every attempt either falls short or doesn’t have the impact I thought it would. If I made different decisions, would I be on the left side of Stevens?

I wonder how the people on the left manage their work. Maybe it’s the connections they obtained during their time here. I see some of their actual daily motions in these areas that are natural to them. Sometimes, the only difference I see between the left and myself is involvement in a different area of campus. Is that it? Something else has got to make them tick. It’s not for most of us, as the hand raises higher and higher.

I think most Stevens students, especially active students on campus, are on a treadmill for their four years here. They run and they run, but everything stays the same around them. Few reach recognition, achieving their vision, or always beat the unfair challenge. You double the speed, but all that happens is the time is cut in half; the vision is within the reach, but you tire. And after defeat, you look back and all you see are four solid walls — the vision has disappeared. Does the left still keep the right’s illusion in the back of their mind? Or is their success an illusion to the right?

I toned my eyes to the turmoil; it’s what I was surrounded with. If I opted to make a different decision three years ago, would I have a different viewpoint?

Next year, a new cohort of bright-eyed freshmen will enter campus and they will all learn the same lessons that we have during our four years here. Will they have an impact, or will their future legacy fade away?

The third is that moment, sometime in the future, when your name is spoken for the last time.

Goodbye Stevens — until we meet again. It’s time to leave the playground.