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Cyber-attack vs. BUDLITE-19: Which virus takes the gold for most damage?

Not only are computer nerds and PC gamers bred at Snevets, it now seems to be a petri dish for viruses. Last semester we experienced the ransomware cyber-attack that so brutally hit our software architecture and now we face BUDLITE-19, a flu-like illness. Which virus will claim the win for most damage to Snevets?

On August 8 2019, 75 Snevets members received a ransom message upon logging into the Snevets network. The message read, “To gain access to the Snevets network, the university must wire $20 million to my bank account — unless you name the University Towers after me and put a mural of Young Earth Creationism on its walls. You have 48 hours.”

The individual who hacked the system was identified thanks to our phenomenal IT department. The hacker was one of our own, an alum. After completing is BS, MS and PhD at Snevets, he felt he was deserving of a plaque in his honor and anything money could buy.

The Snevets community was panicked to say the least. Incoming freshmen couldn’t access their schedules, which made them more on edge than ever before. This was extremely damaging to all students and faculty as they were not able to communicate with each other until the first day of classes, face to face. Additionally, the gamers could not use Snevets-media wifi for months until TX protested and picketed.

Luckily no data was compromised, but the IT department had to manually reboot all the computers in the administrative offices as well as the printers in the library and Burshard Lounge. The printers take the cake for most damage done by the cyber-attack.

As for the spring semester, the budlitevirus has created unprecedented consequences that might surpass those of the cyber-attack. The week before spring break, Snevets temporarily decided to move all on-campus classes online. On March 18, all classes for the remainder of the semester were moved online. All students residing in Snevets housing, including Snevets Leased Housing, were told to move out and return home.

Provost Christopher Pear said, “Everyone must evacuate — living in such close quarters will exponentially increase the amount of BUDLITE-19 cases on campus. Dave’s Hall must evacuate immediately because there may also be asbestos.”

With all students evacuating within a week’s time, this did not abide by Mayor Baller’s advisory for Bohoken’s social distancing implementations. Mayor Baller made a public announcement stating, “Snevets brings innovation and young intelligence to our community and I am thankful for that. However, President Narfavar did not take into consideration the livelihood of Bohoken residents.”

The budlitevirus has not only affected the Snevets community internally, but externally as well. Bohoken residents are not happy with the traffic coming to campus through 9th Street and are even less pleased with the increased number of outsiders in their city.

Overall, BUDLITE-19 takes the win for most critical damage done to Snevets. While the cyber-attack was a big setback for all students and faculty, especially users of Snevets-media, the Snevets community continued to run classes on campus and hold events. Budlitevirus has forced Snevets to become a remote learning university for the spring semester, which has diminished our sense of community.

Let’s see how the viruses stacked up.

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