”Once we recognize what it is we are feeling, once we recognize we can feel deeply, love deeply, can feel joy, then we will demand that all parts of our lives produce that kind of joy.”
Audre Lorde
For those who follow my column, I am sure you have learned I like to begin my pieces with quotes. Specifically, quotes by Black leaders. They help me frame my ideas and my pieces into a cohesive body of work, and they also help me realize that these leaders, too, once felt the same as me. This is especially important to me today because, as Lorde puts it, I am demanding joy from every facet, nook, and cranny of my life.
On December 10, I took a risk I can say is the largest I have ever taken in my life. At 5:40 p.m., I stood with a large group of you, with hearts in our throats and fire in our bellies, to condemn the Stevens administration. To condemn them for failing to be transparent. To condemn them for mismanaging their students’ wellness. To condemn them for creating a climate on campus that is unwell.
Simply put, to hold them to what any University should be doing: putting students at the center.
I have never felt so empowered as I did that day, standing among so many of you, hearing our voices boom off of the Gianforte name-piece and demanding what is right.
When the protest began, we handed our proposal to Marybeth Murphy, Vice President for Enrollment Management and Student Affairs, to which she replied,
“We will look at this very carefully. We always are interested in hearing the concerns of students […] I am happy to speak to you more about this. And thank you very much for having a peaceful, thoughtful demonstration. So, good luck. Stay dry.”
Remember this quote for later.
For the rest of the protest, we asked that President Nariman Farvardin come out and accept the proposal himself. Accepting it himself, as President, would have spoken volumes for his commitment to the students. Instead, we ended the night by marching to his house and leaving the proposal at his front door with a policeman who would leave it at his front door.
Nine days later, we received a response from Marybeth Murphy (again) via email. And by we, I mean an email addressed to the 2019 and 2020 Presidents of the Student Government Association (Jason Chlus and Sam Molla, respectively), and a CC to myself only — completely ostracizing organizers Eli Trakhtenberg and Adrian Castellanos.
There are several issues with the response email, and while I won’t go into detail on every single one, the main gist of it is that we did not go through the “appropriate way to refer [these] concerns.”
Because of this, the administration decided to have in-person meetings solely with the President and Vice President of SGA, effectively removing the organizers from the conversation. And now, they ask that we resubmit the proposal through a formal proclamation of the SGA.
Sounds pretty easy right? Just go through the formal procedure of submitting a proclamation, and have formal talks begin between the SGA and Stevens Administration.
But I refuse to do that.
I hear you asking “Are you dumb?” Well, maybe.
I find immense issue with a University that has had a demonstration peacefully presented by its students, but refuses to acknowledge them unless through “formal procedure.” I, myself, am part of the student government. If I saw it as simple as submitting a proclamation to the administration, I would have done that.
But I didn’t. Because we have already been fighting for these issues. I will not write a formal document to Stevens administration so they can now say they “worked collaboratively” with the students, and then name the demonstration a disruption to campus. I will not write a formal whereas/ending-claused document for it to be something administration will “look into,” and quickly forget.
Stevens will not forget this protest, and certainly, neither will I. And while they can post videos of them celebrating the Gianforte building’s opening (which currently has 125 dislikes on YouTube, by the way), I know that they’re still feeling the effects of what happened this past December.
It is March 12 now, and I have already let SGA know that I refuse to write this proclamation. We already wrote it once; I won’t be writing it again.
It is March 12 now, and I am also saying that I demand joy like Audre Lorde.
While I get on this column every week and light a fire under Stevens’ [redacted], I will say that this University has helped me do a lot of growing, and has very much taught me the value of holding institutions accountable, and fighting for justice until my very last breath.
There is a world outside Stevens. One that I will have to learn to live in soon, and one that I want to bring my efforts to. I have done a lot for this campus, more than I could even imagine. One of these was founding and chairing of the Diversity & Inclusion Committee of the SGA. But I am seeing it’s time for me to put this chapter to a close.
I simply can’t see myself putting myself on the line anymore to help this campus, especially if it will go with administration blatantly ignoring its students. My mental health, though it has been on the up, has still suffered as a result of this work. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t stressed.
This is not the sole reason I’m stepping down, though. I take up a lot of space on campus, and others should have the right to make their voices loud. Being that I won’t be here forever anyways, I figure now is the perfect time. It’s also my senior year and, quite honestly, I’m trying to chill until it’s time for me to work for like 50 years.
I’d like to make it clear that this is not defeat or quitting because I didn’t get my way. It’s actually the opposite. It’s victory. Victory that a legacy will continue for community members holding Stevens accountable for an inclusive campus. And a victory for me in that this Committee has changed the culture on campus so greatly that I feel happiness in letting it go, and continuing to pursue a more fruitful future for myself. I see nothing but good ahead, and I am hoping I can watch as campus grows to be even more inclusive next year (and hopefully, have no more protests (But that would be no fun, right?)).
With all the tension going on in the world right now, and to sum this all up, I leave you with this:
Unclench your jaw. Drop your shoulders. Loosen the tightening in your throat. Let that pit fall into your stomach. Release your grip. And keep reminding yourself to do this until you free that stress and find your joy. We’re all caught up in our lives right now, and that’s fine. But check-in with yourself today and ask: Am I sitting by?
Read the Student Centricity Reform Proposal, presented to the Stevens Administration at the #WeWillNotSITBy Protest on December 10, here: tiny.cc/scrpstevens.
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