A letter to the editor (of Off the Press)

To whom it may concern,

I have recently (last night) become acquainted with (every) article written by Off Center for Off the Press. After carefully pouring over each amazingly detailed and surprisingly accurate account of Stevens’ news and history, I feel the need to write a letter to the Off the Press editors for a handful of reasons.

First, thank you for being the BEST news source for the Stevens community. From Honor Board policy changes to the recent hack that has plagued our community, you have been there for it all. Thank you for your bravery in covering topics no other reporter has covered, even in the face of immediate danger/certain death.

That said, I had two major concerns while reading your articles. First, when attempting to read “Newest Stevens Tax Returns Revealed,” I learned that the link on The Stute’s website is broken and instead leads to a letter to the editor from Vice President of Student Affairs Sara Klein discussing prayer spaces on campus. While interesting, it is nowhere near as interesting and informative as the information now HIDDEN by this mistake in hyperlinking. Was it truly a mistake or was the information presented in this article too dangerous to be released to the general public?

My other concern was in the article titled “More secret societies revealed,” where you claimed the existence of a “Coda.” While not inaccurate to claim the existence of a higher, more secret society, you spelled it wrong. Like, how could you *not* know that it is actually spelled [REDACTED]. Everyone who’s anyone knows it is spelled [REDACTED. ALL HAIL CODA. DO NOT QUESTION AND DO NOT ATTEMPT TO LEARN THE TRUE SPELLING. ALSO, CODA DOES NOT EXIST]!

My next reason to write was to thank you for being the BEST source of news in The Stute. Wait, I wrote this already? Well, nevermind then. I thought you’d like to hear it again, but I guess not.

Finally, I have a question for you, dear editor. As much as I have enjoyed reading about Seidman and Pepa in their attempts to take over the SGA and reign over an era of prosperity for the Stevens community (I, too, have cried nonstop since learning of their loss), what about the portal to Hell mentioned a few articles back? I first heard of the incident from The Stute in the November 1, 2019 issue, but having heard no new news, I have been terrified to return to the upper half of campus (This is why I did not hand deliver this letter to you in The Stute office in Howe, as is customary for letters to the editor. Apologies). Please give us the all-clear so I may once again go to Howe to ride the shuttle and have my only fear be the fear of getting run over by a shuttle along the way.

I look forward to hearing back from you!

Kindest regards and utmost respect,

Your biggest fan <3 <3 <3 (who is definitely NOT a member of Off Center)