With the weather changing and the Stevens plague going around, I was feeling pretty lethargic this week. I stayed in bed for six hours on Wednesday morning until I forced myself to get up for work. Day in and day out of doing the same old — class, work, clubs, not going to the gym. I needed a mental break, and being less productive on one day wouldn’t really hurt anyone… right?
For some reason, I still care so much and there are so many things I want to get done before I leave, like improving The Stute’s reputation and readership, seeing the implementation of TAs for certain courses I took, or seeing CPAC grow to 4,000 attendees. I want to see the clubs and activities I’m a part of thrive and live past my time at Stevens. There are only 24 hours in a day, so by prioritizing these goals I naturally care less about other things. I wish I had more time for me, but semester after semester I find myself saying yes to more and more commitments and people. It’s hard.
So, I intentionally decided to take a “pay cut” and work only two days a week instead of four at my part-time job. With 10 hours returned to my week, I’d be guaranteed to make more time for me, right? Not quite… I think I’m just indulging in bad habits like scrolling through Instagram longer. But hey, if I was always 100% productive every single day, I don’t think I would be human. I still skip some classes because there’s never enough time for making the paper, and sleep for about 12 hours 3 days each week to make up for the days I don’t sleep at all.
Habits are hard to break. I used to think there was no such thing as not having enough time, and that “having time” was a matter of prioritizing. If you really wanted to get something done, you’d be able to by reorganizing your schedule. If you really cared about a friend, you would meet them when they wanted to meet. But after some years of making too many commitments to others, the number of responsibilities you have come back to bite you.
The more responsibilities you have, the harder it is to shift around your priorities and make changes in your life. That’s why old people hate change and prefer routines. Even if you try, some things just can’t be moved around. Your body is a machine that deserves rest and deserves to be fed. You need to spend time with friends and family. Giving up things like that isn’t the answer to accomplishing your goals.
So, my message to all overworked student leaders during this week of mental illness awareness is to make a list of the things that truly matter to you. At some point, you have to draw the line and decide what you’re going to drop and what you desperately want to keep. You may find that you need to make changes in your life, but you may also find that you don’t need to make changes at all. Other people look at me like I’m crazy when I say my clubs bring me joy, but that’s where my closest friends are. Finding a new normal outside of my clubs will be a later problem I try to solve after I graduate. Until then, I plan to just keep doing the things and spending time with the people that make me happy.
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