My brother had a friend — let’s call her Beth. One night long ago, when I was seven or eight years old, my twelve-year-old brother invited Beth and his other friends to our house. As a young child, I had a lot of toys. That night, Beth thought it would be a good idea to pick up one of my many toy weapons and swing it at things. Obviously, after a few swings, the weapon broke. I was devastated and beside myself. Did she not know that was a birthday present? I was mad. I wanted an apology and a replacement. She apologized, and she asked me to forgive her. I never did. Eventually, she stopped caring about winning me back as a friend. I only stayed angry. I held that grudge for a long time, never said anything to her, and remained angry for no reason. I always wonder — if I forgave her and let it go, would I even be angry? Would our friendship be stronger? Does she even remember this happening? Probably not, but I do for some reason.
When I look back at that incident, I started out in the right. Beth wronged me. She broke something valuable to me. But then she did the right thing: she apologized and asked me to forgive her. As an angry child, I did the wrong thing and didn’t accept her apology. I thought rejecting her apology would make her want to try harder for some reason. All it did was leave me angry, and Beth eventually stopped caring because there was nothing she could do.
I have another friend — let’s call him Harry. In high school, Harry got a girlfriend. Now, most people would be excited and supportive of their friends when they get in a relationship. “That’s awesome! I’m so happy for you! Y’all are so great together!” These are the things a normal friend would say. Me, being the genius good friend I was, decided to say, “Dude she’s so ugly.” Obviously, Harry stopped talking to me for days. I did a bad thing. I knew I had to apologize. Once he finally started talking to me, I said sorry and he actually forgave me. Our friendship continued on and we’re still best friends to this day.
When I look back at that incident, Harry had no reason to forgive me. I said something rude, and I had nothing valuable to give him other than a verbal apology. The fact that he forgave me made me appreciate his friendship and made me want to act better. Being forgiven made me want to be a better person.
Both of these incidents show why forgiveness benefits the forgiver and the forgiven. When Beth broke my toy, I had the chance to let go of my anger by accepting her apology. Instead, I kept that anger for a long time for no reason. Nothing good came from holding that grudge. When I called Harry’s girlfriend ugly, Harry gave me a second chance to be better. It made me respect him more and made me want to do better things. When you forgive, everyone wins. The forgiver can let go of their anger. The forgiven gets a chance to change and be a better person.
Message: Always forgive — it gives you a chance to let go and gives them a chance to be better.
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