In a surprise email sent to the entire Snevets community this morning, God stressed that He “does not care” if students host events on religious holidays.
“I’m God,” said He. “Do you think I give a shit if the Chinese Student Association hosts Dumpling Night on Easter? I have other things to worry about, like whether Narfarvar should earn two million or three million next year.”
The email from the famously elusive deity irrevocably reverses a rule implemented yesterday by OSL that prohibits student organizations from hosting events on religious holidays. The now-overturned rule explained that “scheduling events on days that are coincidentally religious observations is a sign of disrespect.” OSL had determined that the only appropriate days to schedule events are May 6 and September 12 and that “every other day is prohibited.”
God told the Snevets community that the rule was “silly” and added that OSL should “just relax” and consider altering their priorities. “Instead of silly new rules, maybe tell your financial assistant to meet with students for more than two hours per day,” God said. “Perhaps that could be more helpful.”
Student organizations that are religiously focused remained ambivalent. “I mean, we never even asked for the new rule in the first place,” said Anita Losewate, President of Snevets Christian Club. “All we want is a place to pray.”
OSL condemned the act of God, as they believed that they were more correct than Him. However, God threatened to curse the admins with blood, frogs, and death of their first-born if they acted against Him.
“Y’all are actually gonna come at me?” God roared. “Remember, I’m God.”
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