Throughout our educational careers, we have probably attended more anti-bullying presentations than we can count. It has been made clear to us both as students and as people that bullying is not a tolerated behavior. However, the definition of bullying that has become the standard is in reality more typical of bullying committed by males. The openly verbal and physical aggression, the “playground bully” type behavior that we have been taught from early on to detect and prevent is only characteristic of bullies of one sex. However, female bullies have different sex-specific characteristics than those we think of as typical of bullying. Because male bullies are often directly aggressive towards their victims through behaviors such as physical intimidation or verbal insults, these behaviors are often easier for organizations to deal with as they are more obvious. However, bullying methods characteristic of females include behaviors such as spreading rumors, gossiping negatively behind the back of the victim to tarnish their reputation, or alienating and excluding the victim, known as “relational bullying.” These harmful behaviors often fly under the radar of authorities because it is more difficult to give consequences for starting a widely spread rumor or gossiping in private about someone than it is to punish someone for attacking or openly insulting someone.
Making the difference between female and male bullying tactics more well-known is important for a variety of reasons. First, female bullying needs to be recognized as bullying as much as male bullying because to suggest that female bullying is somehow lesser or weaker undermines the suffering of victims of female bullies. In addition, many victims of female bullying do not even realize they are being bullied simply because they have never been taught that what is happening to them is bullying. I even remember being bullied in middle school and high school and feeling like I had nowhere to go because anyone I told would just tell me that my bullies were just “drama queens” or that “girls are just catty.” It took me years after my bullying occurred to even realize that what had been done to me qualified as bullying. Even when I was told seemingly positive pieces of advice such as “they’re only trying to tear you down because they’re jealous of you!”, I still felt like there was something wrong with me as a person that resulted in being treated so badly. However, it is vital to realize that these behaviors are not necessarily natural to women or somehow ingrained in their nature. By openly labelling behaviors like spreading rumors or singling out people to isolate them as bullying behaviors, we are reminding society that women are not inherently spiteful or mean and that these behaviors simply make someone a bully.
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