Dealing with my emotions as a highly sensitive person

I consider myself a highly sensitive person (HSP). My senses and my emotions are constantly heightened, and I take in a lot more than the average person. It can be really difficult to deal with my emotions on a daily basis because I experience them at such a strong level; I can get really “tired” really quickly in that my senses “burn out.” The feeling of being worn out after a long day for the average person can happen to me in just a few hours, and sensory overload is a constant obstacle.

The quickest remedy to help my senses become leveled again is to sit alone in quiet for some time, and even though I do make time for myself, this isn’t always an option if I have class or somewhere I need to be. So when I can’t give myself time to be alone in quiet, my brain has to find something to do to deal with my heightened senses and emotions. Its coping mechanism of choice: dissociation.

Under the umbrella of dissociation is derealisation and depersonalisation. Derealisation is when you perceive your environment to be unreal, and depersonalisation is when you perceive yourself to be unreal. I experience derealisation.

About 50% of the time, I am living my life feeling as if I am dreaming; it’s the best way I can describe what it feels like. I perceive my surroundings to be something other than what is presently there.

It started about five months ago when I graduated from high school – I began experiencing anxiety and nervousness about starting college. As a HSP I felt this anxiety at a much higher level, and my brain didn’t know how to handle the intensity. So instead of feeling, my brain “shut off,” and started to dissociate.

It wasn’t all just numbness, and I wasn’t completely checked out of reality. Some days were worse than others; some days I felt the dream-like environment much more intensely than other days. But overall I felt like I was dreaming. Like what I was seeing was a painting or a photograph, an imaginative illusion.

Since then I’ve started to feel better because I’m not experiencing the same anxiety that I was over the summer. However, I am still learning to live with being hypersensitive and learning how to handle the emotions that I feel. If I dont then my brain will dissociate.

In order to deal with my everyday emotions in a way that is beneficial to me, I’ve been practicing some strategies. One is telling myself that whatever emotion I’m feeling is OK. I need to accept it for what it is, and I must understand that the emotion is only temporary. In addition to this I try to meditate as often as I can, especially before I go to sleep. I believe there is a difference between getting sleep and getting valuable rest. As a HSP it’s incredibly important for me to get sleep that is of service to me, and meditating before bed ensures that. Meditating also helps me to stay in the present; thinking about the future and about the huge to-do list in my planner more often than I need to doesn’t help me, and it certainly doesn’t help my sleep.

I’ve also learned that my emotions aren’t the only things that cause my brain to dissociate. My hearing and my sight are incredibly sensitive; loud sounds or bright, fluorescent lights can trigger the dream-like environment that I perceive. That doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate the ambience of a noisy cafe, but the tiniest bit too noisy makes me want to scream. I’ve learned that cool, white light isn’t my favorite, so the night shift and dark appearance Mac options help me when I’m spending time on my laptop, which is, let’s be honest, a lot.

If you experience dissociation you know that it’s really hard to describe it to people that don’t, so I hope I’ve done a sufficient job in explaining this. It’s also much more common than a lot of people think, so if you do experience it, know that you aren’t alone. I think we can all benefit from understanding that our emotions are OK to feel. Understanding how your mind deals with emotions is especially important during school, and even if you think you handle them fine, I think it can only help you to practice bettering your mental health.