Honestly, college is low-key weird. I say “weird” for the sole reason that I just have a lot of thoughts, and it’s the best word that I can think of to sum them all up. I’ve tried writing my thoughts in an organized way, but it hasn’t worked because the way I feel is just… messy. So, I’m going to write messily.
First thought: I live in Humphreys, and, as you probably know, the amount of times the fire alarm has gone off in Humphreys is insane. I got pretty used to hearing the unbearable, blaring sound pierce through my ears at any given time of day. I went home this past weekend, and I noticed that every time any loud, unusual sound went off, I was filled with adrenaline, ready to drop everything and get the hell out of wherever I was. My point: I really hate the fire alarms.
Next thought is for all the peeps who have to deal with menstruation. Periods suck in general, but they suck even more in college, and this past weekend while I was home, I got my lovely dose for October. I was so happy that I literally wanted to throw a party and yell out the window about how ecstatic I was that I had gotten my period while I was at home. Normally, my period brings terrible, terrible feelings for me: painful cramps, insane food cravings, frustration, and irritability. And while I still felt those things and wanted to rip my abdomen apart from the pain, it’s interesting to me that I was incredibly thankful to be bleeding. Who knew?
I also have a massive crush on a guy. Yeah, I know, it’s silly to use the word “crush,” but my feelings honestly feel a little silly. I feel like the typical freshman with big, wide eyes taking in everything new. I almost feel embarrassed about it, but I don’t mean embarrassing in a cute, cheeky way. I mean embarrassing as in I really don’t want anybody to know (I can’t believe I’m even writing this right now). I’m sure you’re thinking that my feelings are normal, but I usually don’t get embarrassed at all when it comes to these types of things. In high school, I was always super forward towards someone that I liked, and I’ve never been too concerned with or afraid of rejection. I still feel that way, but I also feel the overall pressure of college relationships — the pressure that comes with the realization that a college relationship could actually amount to something. High school relationships were a bit of a joke to me, so college just seems more real. That realness and intensity are a little scary, and I don’t really know what to do about it. For now, I’m just letting these feelings resonate within me.
College is also weird in that most of my classes are actually extremely useful towards my future career. I know, right? High school me is thinking, what’s that like? A lot of high school classes felt pointless and like total bulls**t if they didn’t pertain to your interests. There’s definitely more pressure in college to be responsible and productive because this is basically “adulting.” I genuinely need to study and understand what’s going on in my classes because the material I’m learning will help me in the future, which I find pretty crazy.
So those are the thoughts that are currently bouncing around in my head. I thought it would be beneficial to just spit them out this week, and I think all of us need to do this at some point. I can proudly say that I take advantage of CAPS to simply talk about my life; getting my thoughts out of my head helps me gain clarity. Maybe you related to some of these thoughts, and if you did, please tell me so I can feel better about my word vomit of a column this week.
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