Uncharted Territory

For as long as I can remember, I’ve dreamed of the day I’d officially become a “grown-up.”

Even as a child, I distinctly recall a yearning to move on, past the ordinary whims and fancies of the day to something more long term, somehow more meaningful. It’s something of a reverse “Peter Pan” syndrome — Peter wanted to be a boy forever, but I have been aching to grow up since I was a little girl.

The last few years, especially, have seemed like a solid steps towards the journey that is adulthood — working internships, gaining a significant amount of financial independence, learning how to cook and clean and generally fend for myself in the wonderful, wide world.

Now, on the cusp of entering my senior year here at Stevens, I feel like that mystical moment of adulthood has arrived. It feels like a grand reckoning, of sorts. Something I’ve been looking forward to my whole life.

So why does it suddenly feel so terrifying?

Because it’s with that moment of reckoning, of course, that reality hits.  And that reality is this — becoming an adult, in the true sense of the word, isn’t a one-way ticket to paradise. It’s tough decisions and unforeseen circumstances and a seemingly-permanent sense of ‘Hey, what on earth is going on?’

I’m not scared of #adulting. But the vast, wide unknown that lies ahead of me this year? It’s finally real, and seeing it up close is more than a little disconcerting.

I pride myself on generally being able to pass off some semblance of having my act together. But for the first time in a long time, several aspects of my life seem to have one big ‘?’ in front of it.

Full-time job? Not decided yet. Senior design? Nah. Life #goals? Nope, not today.

And maybe it’s all a bit premature — as of writing this, I’ve just wrapped up my last internship and have yet to even update my resume, let alone start classes or throw myself into the job application process.

It was after I talked to some co-workers, however, that I realized the obvious — I’m not alone in this process of growing up. No one is.

The truth is, at this point in one’s life, EVERYONE feels like they’re a bit in over their head. At least a little bit of the time.

We all long for simpler times, and we’re all scared of screwing things up.

But at the end of the day, even if we do everything just ‘right,’ there are a million and one things that fall out of our control. So the best thing one can do is to simply do your best — and then forget the rest.

Trust the process the universe has for you. Focus on the good that’s already happened, and the good you want to see come to pass. Smile, laugh at yourself, and don’t worry so much about getting it perfectly right.

Adulthood can feel, at times, like a race to the finish line of ‘success,’ and it might seem like a single slip-up can cost you the whole event. But we’re young, and chances are, we’re going to be alive for quite a while. There will always be a chance to get back up on your feet. Trust your future self to get back up and keep going, no matter what the odds.  

Finally — you’re never truly alone. There are always people — friends, family — to lean on, to help navigate these murky waters. And that’s a pretty incredible part of growing up.

A year from now, everything in my life as I know it will have changed.

That’s terrifying, but it’s also amazing. It might not be what I envisioned, but it’ll probably be exactly what I need.

So yes — for the first time in my life, I’m entering what truly feels like uncharted territory. But you know what? Against all odds, I can’t wait to see what lies ahead.